Losing out to Fear

I hadn’t been out hiking in quite some time and was really looking forward to getting outdoors and reaching a summit. A friend agreed to join me and hike up Bald Mountain...it would be about a 4 hour hike and we would find a few geocaches along the way. Bald mountain’s summit sits at about 600 m so not a huge hike but I knew there would be some great views of the lake. The trails were made years ago by Scout groups and were well mapped. The Scout camp had sat right below the mountain on the lake shore.

Arriving at the destination I was surprised to find that the instructions were all for the old camp and not the new camp they had put in a few years ago. Thankfully though we found the trail head and headed off. The plan was to hike up to the “lookout” on the first hill, down through what they call the saddle and up to the second summit. Following that we would have to hike down, what was described as a steep trail, to the marine park and then back to the car via the lake shore trail. It all sounded great. I had printed off the map and the details, packed a lunch, rain gear and was totally prepared for anything.

Hiking up the Switchback Trail

We headed off hiking up a switchback trail that helped with the steep incline. This part of the trail had been redone by the CVRD and was easily marked with sign posts and map. After an hour and half we arrived at the “Lookout” just like they said we would. The weather was cool but at least it wasn't raining. It was great.

A short break on the way up



A great view from the lookout

We headed off toward the second summit. Now we were on the old scouting trails that were nicely marked with orange blue and yellow flagging plus some white metal triangles on trees. This part of the trail was quite steep through forested trees but along the way we were treated to some lovely views of the lake and surrounding hills. An hour later we arrived at the summit marked by an old forestry tower from the logging company when it was logged years ago. A great place for lunch!

At the summit looking west

Heading down towards the marine park we were greeted along the way by some friendly little birds that I believe were whisky jacks. They are the most people friendly bird I have ever encountered and would quite willingly sit on your hand.



A friendly fellow

We continued down and further down along moss covered hillside. There wasn’t much of a trail but we followed the flagging...until the flagging ended. We hiked over to the right and up a bank in search of a trail and more flagging but there was nothing, looking to the left there was still nothing and we couldn’t go forward as we had reached the cliffs edge. Now heights are not my thing. I have always had a fear of heights but it has never really bothered me hiking until now.

Sadly we turned around and hiked back up to the trail but soon found some more flagging down a steep bank. I scooted down and sure enough there was a trail below...we just had to get down to it. Bravely I carried on and made it to the bottom. Off we headed down through the trees following what was now marked with only the yellow flagging. Once again though we came to a cliff edge and the flagging disappeared. Now whenever my friend and I hike I am pretty much always in the lead but by now we have been on the mountain for four hours and I am tired and my fear of heights has kicked in. I gingerly creep down to have another look but plant myself next to a tree to scared to move and allow my older friend to check for flagging and trails along the edge. Nothing can be seen and my fear of one of us falling off the edge (apparently there was land down there though but I never got close enough to look) or being stuck on the mountain after dark had me deciding we are going to have to backtrack. It was tough. We had come down at least 200m from the summit and the rain was now falling and we were going to have to hike back up to the tower and over to the lookout and back down to the car. This certainly was not in the plan and would take much longer but it is what we did.

Heading back up to the summit

As I walked along the trail, disappointed in not making the loop, I found myself singing quietly "Lord, listen to your children praying". It brought to me a sense of quiet and calm as I wandered back through the trees.





Beautiful moss along the trail through the trees

By the time we reached the saddle our bodies were quite done in. My knees were in pain and my legs were wobbly. I had fallen once already coming down the mossy bank and then as I climbed over a small fallen tree I slid, grabbed onto the branch sticking out which broke off causing the side of my head to smash into the broken branch. Thankfully it didn’t break my glasses and only left a small mark and bruise. At last, after much groaning and moaning and after six hours of being on Bald Mountain we returned to the car, totally soaked and very sore and tired.

It really was a great day but I still wonder where the trail actually is. How steep was it? Did I let my fear of heights get out of control and why couldn’t I have been braver and gone further down to see if there was flagging? I am disappointed in how tired I was after six hours of hiking. I love hiking and really want to go on some higher and longer hikes but obviously my body will not be willing. It makes me think about how much I have missed out on life. Why did I not go hiking in my twenties instead of waiting til my mid forties to experience this wonderful island? As a child camping I always loved to explore trails and forests why did I not continue to pursue my love of nature?

Next time I'll be brave and take some risk!

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions nor will I ever but I do know I will be back out to Bald Mountain and this time I shall go along the coastal trail and hike upwards to see where I went wrong. It will be a challenge that I will try and meet. Hopefully my love of exploring will over power my fear of heights and I will not turn back the next time around. I want to live life to the fullest and not let my fears keep me home just so I can feel safe. There is too much out there that I haven’t seen and experienced. Sadly my life is well more than half over so I need to get a move on and make the most of each day, explore all of nature, be thankful to our Creator for all that is and once in awhile, be brave and take a risk.

Awe Wonder and Blessings

In this past year I have been blessed with the gift of two wonderful grandchildren. They have brought a wonderful and amazing change to my life. The first grandchild was born almost a year ago and up until a month ago lived on the mainland. I only saw him every couple of months and was always amazed at how much he had grown and changed. He is now crawling around, eating table food and making wonderful baby gibberish.


My wonderful granson at 7 months

My second grandchild, a little girl, was born only five minute walk from my home. I saw her when she was only a couple of hours old and have seen her pretty much every day since. When you are a parent you are busy, keeping the baby fed and changed, cleaning the house, preparing the meals. Being a Nana is a whole different experience. I can just sit and hold her in my arms and look at her with wonder and awe. Day by day I’m watching her come alive and wake up in the world in slow motion. It’s absolutely beautiful!

My new granddaughter at 1 month

The first month she basically slept and ate and slept and ate but during those awake moments her eyes began to focus, she started to look around at her world. She would follow a toy and then she began to turn her head from side to side.



Learning to Smile

Her facial expressions are so expressive. From frowning to pouting to those wonderful little smiles that are now appearing. At first you could tell she was smiling from the joy in her eyes but now her mouth is smiling along with them. She looks at her Mom and recognizes her and smiles with happiness.

This past month she found her hands. She looks at them a lot. It’s like she knows they are attached to her but she hasn’t quite figured out their purpose yet. She almost looks at them with amazement saying “wow these are so cool...I can make them open and then close!” Lately she has also found her feet. Now they don’t seem to be as exciting as her hands but wait til she finds out their purpose...she will be very happy. Exciting news today is that she rolled over. Now I wasn't there to see it happen but I wonder if she was surprised or shocked or did she have that all planned out.

Bunny Feet!

I would so love to know what she is thinking and what she thinks of this place. It must be a wonderful sense of wonder and awe. Life is like that. If you look around you out in creation and see it in all of its beauty you can’t help but have a great sense of wonder and awe. It’s amazing. From the little bud that turns into a beautiful flower, from the little egg that hatches into a lovely bird that can fly, from a little seed that grows into a massive tree...it’s all very humbling. We are but a small part in this vast world. The miracle of life in all forms brings me such a sense of thankfulness and many moments of amazement.



Me and my babies

I love being a parent even with all of its challenges it is such a blessing. The joys and gifts that children bring to your life totally outweigh those small little difficulties that pop up from time to time. Being a Nana...well now that is totally superb! I have decided that the ultimate gift of becoming a parent is becoming a grandparent and being there to watch a small baby awaken to the gifts of the world. I pray that we can learn to respect this planet and keep it safe for all future generations so that all babies can continue to grow and experience that wonderful sense of wonder and awe.

Thankful for the Light in Life

This weekend I spent a day up in the Comox Valley wandering through some park land geocaching with my youngest daughter. The weather wasn’t great but not as wet as it could have been. As we wandered back and forth through the trails at Lazo Marsh Park looking for geocaches we chatted about life and an upcoming adventure we are planning. It was a great day and relaxing although wet and mucky and sometimes frustrating not know which of the many trails to take.

In amongst the trees

I started this blog a year ago to talk about my spirituality both inside the church and outdoors on the trails. At the time I was wondering if a person really needs to attend church to be spiritually fed or if spending time outdoors in nature would bring to me a closer feeling to God. I have always felt that being outdoors in creation would be enough. I always feel so fulfilled after a good hike through the woods. I feel in awe of creation and so thankful for all that I encounter along the pathway.



Pathways in life

These past two months though I have attended church only twice and now realize that there has to be balance. That being out on the trails is great but I am missing something spiritual. Although I have been practising to be thankful and feel gratitude for all of my blessings I’m not feeling as connected to God at this time in my life. Although feeling gratitude for my blessings, a new granddaughter, my son and family moving back home, so many good things happening, I wonder if I’m not directing my gratitude towards God. If not am I truly being thankful for all of the gifts in my life.



In amongst the darkness there is always light

As we journey along through life we never really know what we will happen just like when we travel along the pathway through the trees....we don’t really know what will greet us as we come out in the open. Sometimes when life gets so good we forget to be thankful and take it all for granted. When life is stormy and we find a gift of light we are so thankful for that moment, we treasure it and feel a deep sense of thankfulness. I need to remember to always be thankful, show gratitude and don’t ever get so comfortable in life that I take it all for granted. If I do I will miss the light shining through.