Mystery, Magic and Miracles

It’s that time of the year again! Christmas....it is my favourite holiday and every year it arrives sooner than expected and is over even faster. It is a time for magic, mystery and miracles, a time that is celebrated all around the world.

Christmas is the time we celebrate the birth of Christ, a little child that came to us through God to teach us how to live life and show us the way. So much mystery surrounds Jesus’ birth, life and resurrection. It is said that he was born of a virgin, which, many would think impossible. It is said that he performed miracles and healed people and brought some back to life. Then following his death upon the cross he was miraculously resurrected and came back and reassured his disciples. How could all of this be possible? To me it is one of life’s biggest mysteries and requires a very deep faith to believe but the bible teaches us that all things are possible through God. 

Each year children delight in the magic of Christmas, waiting patiently (or not) for the fat man in the red suit to arrive. Santas can be seen all around the town. Children line up to put in their request for this year’s special gift and then try to be good until the eve of Christmas when Santa will magically slide down the chimney and fill their stockings and deposit their gifts. He flies around the world in his sleigh with magical reindeer and even though some houses don’t have chimneys he manages to fulfill his promise. It is a wonderful time and even the adults get caught up in the magic of Santa and delight in the joy of the children.

Christmas is a time when miracles still happen like they did long ago in a stable. People are filled with love and they share that love and joy with others. People smile and wish each other a Merry Christmas to those they pass on the street. Family and friends gather to spend time together. They come to share a meal, exchange gifts, sing carols and celebrate. In many families it is the only time that they all get together. People open their hearts to those in need and share their time and gifts with others. The love that surrounds us each Christmas is magical and it touches us all. It is a time when peace in this world seems possible and someday the miracle of everyone living in peace may actually happen.

So as I decorate my home, wrap the gifts, and bake the Christmas cookies I can’t help but think about the mystery, the miracles and the magic that happens each year at this time. I reflect on the birth of Christ, the story of St .Nick and feel the love that surrounds us all. I know this time will come and leave quickly but not before I am touched by the love of friends, family and a little baby born in a stable long ago.

Pathways

          

I love this picture. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of life, of the journey we are all on, the pathways we travel. In life we never know what lies ahead. It is always a mystery. Even though we plan and prepare for each day, week and month when we awake to a new day we really have no idea exactly what will happen. There are no guarantees that our plans will unfold as we had hoped. Life is a journey, a pathway taking us into the unknown. We wonder and wait for what lies up ahead or around the next corner.

In this picture we can see the light up ahead which to me represents hope. Although things may not always go as planned, though we may have to walk through some darkness in our lives, there is always hope and light in our future.

Helplessness

Helplessness: Unable to help oneself; powerless or incompetent

It is a feeling I had never heard of for most of my life but it is one I have gotten to know and understand. It is also one I try very hard to avoid.

Growing up I am certain there were millions of times that I experienced helplessness but at that time I had no name for the feeling. It was just a sense of powerlessness, unable to protect myself from the terrible night time dreams, the spanking with the wooden spoon or belt, the teasing from other children, from life in general.  It was just part of my life.

As I became an adult and eventually a parent the feeling of helplessness was almost a constant everyday occurrence. We all want what is best for our children, we want to protect them and keep them safe, we want them to live happy fulfilling lives. When they are young we are more able to protect them than at any other time in their lives. Once they head off to school things are out of our control. We are left standing at the door, helpless to protect them from the outside world. My youngest daughter especially has struggled so much in life and I want nothing more to help her to keep her safe and protected but it is something I am not capable of doing. The bullying in middle school, the abusive boyfriends, are all things I would have liked to have stopped before they began but it was not in my control. Once our children reach young adulthood we have to let them go, allow them to make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. It isn’t that we can’t help them with advice but there is no way to choose for them and the feeling of helplessness increases.

I first heard of the word helplessness when I took a mindfulness class back in 2002 and each week we would describe how we were feeling and share our week and feelings with others. Being “mindful of how things really are” brings awareness to the underlying feelings one experiences. I have a pattern of feeling guilty over a lot of things in my life but I have learned that in most instances the underlying feeling of the guilt is helplessness. I am helpless to help my children financially and helpless to keep them safe out in the working world. I know there are many things I can do but there is so much more I would like to be able to do.

This past spring I was helping to care for a friend of mine’s Mum while they were off travelling and working abroad. I was called by the homecare in the afternoon and told that they were beginning end of life care for this wonderful woman and they asked me to contact her son. It was 11:00 p.m. where they were and thankfully before I made that call someone stopped me and said, “Don’t call now, you will just leave them lying there all night with the feeling of helplessness”. As guilty as I felt about not notifying them right away I could see the wisdom in her words. I knew there was nothing worse than that feeling of helplessness. I waited till dawn to make that call.

This coming Friday is Remembrance Day in our country. It is a day to remember all those who fought and died for our freedom, a day for us to show our respect and thankfulness to those men and woman who risked their lives to stop the evil that was happening in Europe.  We also acknowledge this day at our Sunday Service at church, a service I have normally skipped for the last 10 years.  In years prior to this there was always the service at my children’s school, the service at the Cenotaph with the Guiding and Scouting and the service at the church. I always attended and have used this as an excuse not to have to go to them any longer.

So for the past 10 years I have not attended, until this morning. I went because I was in someway “guilted” into attending. I could not explain why I didn’t like attending and why I avoid going to these services but I knew there was something I did not like about them. As the service began the guilt hit me. The guilt of not feeling I feel thankful enough for my freedom, the guilt of having such a wonderful life, to live in a country where I have enough food and water for myself and my family and so many, many wonderful things that are so unnecessary.  It didn’t take me long to recognize that familiar feeling of helplessness underlying it all. I sat there with the sense of helplessness throughout the entire service and realized this is what I try to avoid, why I stay home, why I usually “skip”.   I sat there feeling there is nothing I can do to help those whose lives are filled with violence, poverty, and war. I sat there wanting to feel more thankful, wanting the world to be at peace, wanting all children to have the lives they deserve, the food and nourishment their bodies need. I sat there with the guilt because I really just wanted to go home and pretend that the world really is a beautiful place for all.

World peace is something that we all want, we all desire but it is not in my control, I am powerless and incompetent to stop the evil that exists in today’s world and I am selfish enough to not want to step up and do something about it. I want to avoid hearing the horrors that little children suffer at the hands of others. And the guilt eats at me because I don’t feel thankful enough for all that I have because I know it is something that everyone, all people in this world deserve, just as much and if not more than I do.

The feeling of helplessness....I don’t like it much....but I guess I can’t keep avoiding it.                             I need to sit with it, be mindful of its presence and welcome it in.

                                                                       Lest We Forget

Gym, Gym and more Gym

It has been a month since I began my working out at the gym and since my personal trainer told me I was FAT.  I have faithfully been going five days a week and following her instructions...well mostly. It has been so very hard and even harder on the days when I work with her. She is one tough woman. One of the exercises I do involves standing on one leg and bending down and touching the floor with a five pound weight. Now I am a bit tippy and so regularly my foot would lightly touch the ground or I would be unable to reach the ground. As she stood their counting each up and down trip, these uncompleted trips never counted and I had to do more to make them up. Riding the bike one would think wouldn’t be too bad but not when your trainer is standing there making sure you remain standing up while riding the bike and each time you try to rest she harasses you until you once again begin pedaling. By the end of each session I felt like I was going to die. Dizzy, exhausted, heart pounding I would thankfully head out to my car where I could sit down and breathe. Lately it has been harder and harder to get up and head down there.

Today, however, was my one month check in. It went great. I was so happy to find that I had lost 5.5 pounds and approximately 3 inches. Unfortunately the three inches weren’t all off my waist but half of them were so that is not too bad. My trainer though was not even slightly excited....there was no pat on the back ....you’ve done great or wow that is awesome! What there was, was her saying “well you could have lost more weight so let’s talk about nutrition”. She obviously had forgotten that the last time we met I told her that talking about food sets me off and I usually get very grumpy when people try and tell me what to eat and how to eat healthy.  I always feel I am surrounded by health addicts and vegetarians and somehow it ends up making me feel guilty for the things I choose to eat. Today however things were different. I sat there as she showed me how to enter the foods I eat, to see the meal plans and the shopping list required to make all the suggested meals for a week. Now am I going to do this? No. Why did I sit there so politely listening to her? I knew the other option would be to go and work out in the gym with her hounding  me to keep going and frankly I decided to treat myself to just sitting comfortably in a chair listening.

I now have set another goal to lose five more pounds by Christmas which will be harder than this last month due to the fact that there are so many meals out and parties to attend to over the holiday season. So although I shall attempt to do my best I am not very hopeful that I can accomplish this. But then I honestly never thought I would become someone who goes to the gym, who has a trainer and doesn’t just throw in the towel over it all. It just goes to show you that one never knows where life will lead you. As much as I would rather be on the couch with my bag of potato chips, life seems to have me down at the gym balancing on a ball and lifting weights. But hey, at least according to my BMI I am no longer FAT!

Rest and Restore

I have returned from an awesome weekend! I went with a friend to a quiet peaceful cabin on a beautiful island. The minute we walked into the cabin we could just feel the peacefulness of the cabin enfold us, we stood where we were and breathed. The weekend was full of quietness, reading books, journaling, prayers, meditation and the sharing of stories. Time was spent walking the beaches, exploring the trails and just being in awe over nature and creation.

I arrived at the island tired, my mind full of work and family items. I left the island feeling restored and rested. It has made me realize how important it is in life to slow down to just be quiet and still our minds. We all need to find time to remove ourselves from the stress and busyness of life, to escape from all of the television, computers and electronic gizmos that occupy so much of our time.  There is so much going on around us that we never have time to just be with our thoughts and feelings, to sink deep within ourselves and find out who we are. 

Now being back at work for the last two days and out every evening, I sit here and take the time to close my eyes and put myself back into the quiet cabin, down at the beach listening to the peaceful waves coming to shore, walking the trails amongst the ferns and trees in the forest...and I deeply breathe.  Remembering the sounds and feelings can still bring me peace, and quiet my rambling mind.

You don’t have to really go away to find all of these things, it is much easier when we are away but we can do all this in our own home towns. It takes a lot of self control to shut off the television and the computer, to take ourselves outdoors and experience the tranquility that nature has to offer us, to sit quietly meditating, to journal and to breathe deeply, but it can be done. I hope I can do this, give myself the time each week to rest and restore but I know my self discipline is going to need a lot of work. It won’t be easy nor near as much fun as this past weekend was but I feel it will be well worth the effort.

I am so thankful for this past weekend, for friendships, for the ocean waves, the quiet forests ...I feel so blessed to have had this time. Life is such a gift and so are special friends.

Mystery in Life

There is so much mystery in life. We live our whole life with questions, which will never be answered. How was the world created? Is there a God or many Gods? When will we die? Why do we die? It is all a big mystery. Sometimes it would be nice to know the answers, to be able to see what lies ahead but I think if we did we would become very bored. It is in the questions that we seek to learn and to grow, to explore new ideas and adventures.

Over these past few months many friends have lost a parent...they were elderly and ready to go but still losing a loved one is painful. In the next four days we will be celebrating the lives of three members of our congregation....some were elderly, the other stricken with cancer too young to die. In all of this there’s no reasoning. One just has to accept what has happened and carry on. Bad things do happen to good people. And the “why” question remains unanswered.  I myself believe in God the creator, in God who loves all people and wants what is best for us. However I don’t believe God has control over all that happens here in this world. I can’t believe that because a loving God would never let children die, wars happen or see so many people go hungry or be abused. I grew up hearing my Dad say “nothing is fair in this old world so you better get used to it” and he was right. Much about life isn’t fair. Why should some have so much, why do some have so little? Why do some live unhealthy lifestyles and live to be 100 while others who eat well and exercise, are stricken down in their youth?

So life remains a mystery and we all just carry on the best we can, caring for each other, this world and all those who live in it. Sometimes it gets hard, we pray for answers that don’t come. I guess we just need to live with the questions, continue to seek the answers and enjoy the journey along the way....but sometimes...it gets tough. It really is a mystery.

Apparently I'm Fat!

Two weeks ago I joined a gym along with a few friends. I have never liked gyms and never even thought seriously about exercising.  I have always walked with friends and kept active so I felt there was no need to go to a gym. I had tried it years ago and quickly quit BUT this time around it has been different. The place isn’t busy, the walls not covered in mirrors and I can just let myself in anytime and do my own thing. It has been fun comparing points etc with friends and having a small fun competition. Yesterday it all changed. I went for my physical fitness/health test. I must admit I was very nervous...I didn’t like the idea of having someone watch me doing the exercises but she was very kind and lots of fun. In many ways I did better than I had hoped.  The news she gave me afterwards was not so great.

Apparently I’m fat!  Now to many this probably is not shocking but to someone who grew up with the nick name “Skinny Linny” it is rather devastating to have someone tell you, you are fat.  24 hours later I have decided I really don’t like it much. The thing is, I love food. For years I have been surrounded by people who eat vegetables and are all into their health. I have rebelled because I feel life is too short to go around worrying about what you are eating. I’ll admit there is so much “junk” in the food these days that I shouldn’t be eating it but I figure it is a bit late now to start fretting about it. I love my chips and icecream and there is nothing better after a meal that a little snack of an Oreo cookie to just sweeten the taste.

If nothing else this has made me have great compassion for the overweight children in the world. How horrid it must be to have kids teasing you and calling you fat. I feel very blessed that all my young life I could eat whatever I wanted and never had to worry about weight until now. I ran into my daughter today and told her that I really didn’t like being called fat and she chuckled and replied that she could tell that. I guess I have been grumbling nonstop since yesterday afternoon.

So I sit writing this while my veggies are cooking ready for my dietary dinner. I really doubt this is going to help me lose the 15 pounds required so that I am no longer labelled “fat”. Two years ago I weighed 20 pounds more than I do now. I got serious and quickly lost the weight. I know I still have more to lose and I have tried over this past year on and off to lose weight and haven’t lost a pound. Salads for my lunches, veggies for dinner and no potato chips...nothing changed so I went back to eating the way I like to enjoying my comfort food.

The thing is, I signed up for 6 months of torture with this personal trainer and promised her that I would change my attitude, my lifestyle and lose the weight. She would give me guidance and exercises that supposedly will decrease my waistline (which now is the same measurement as my chest and almost the same as my hips). I appear to be tube shaped! I really am not so sure I want to do this though. Now that I know I can’t eat my comfort food it is all I crave. I am afraid the word “fat” has taken away the fun of going to the gym and the little competition but I suppose I shall get over it soon and carry on.

Really though is it all that important? Life is so short...I am so past the half way point. Shouldn’t we all just be making the most of the time we have here and enjoy it and the wonderful food life has to offer? Yes it may cause us to become ill or die too soon but it really seems to be the luck of the draw as way too many health conscious people still die from diseases. Time will tell I suppose...and in the meantime I will once again try to eat healthy and exercise more but I want everyone to know I am not happy about this and I have never felt so fat before in my life.

Ah What a morning!

Headed out this morning at 6 am ...in the dark.....the streets were quiet and peaceful. Heading back an hour later, the skies were lighter but there was a great bank of fog hanging low in the valley as I drove home amongst the traffice. Twenty five minutes later as I headed back into town, I crested the hill and there was the sun, shining in all its glory, in a beautiful clear blue sky. I could see the fog bank now hanging over the bay area in the distance. Down the hill into the city the streets were busy with traffic, but the skies were clear and sunny, the air crisp and cool.
Fall my favourite season of the year.....it has arrived!

Tradition and Connections

It is the second weekend in September and the annual Cowichan Exhibition is in high gear. It is the 143rd year of the fall fair in this community. Over the years it has changed and somewhat shrunken but there are still the old timers and many new families join in and share their talents and gifts. Two years ago it moved from the land that once belonged to my great Uncle to another farm further out of town. There aren’t as many farmers as there once was nor as many women baking pies but still, the fair carries on in great tradition.

My family has been going for as long as I can remember and in tradition, we go in the morning and look at all the exhibits and see who made what and what they won. I never entered anything as a child but my children entered a few things over their growing up years. Then each year we go home for lunch and return to the fair around 4 pm and at 5pm we all have Chinese food. If you want to see the Evans gang at the fair you just have to go to the Chinese food stand at 5 pm and there you will find us.(Many of our extended family and friends know this and will show upJ) Followed by this we sometimes check out the barns if we haven’t previously done so, pet the horses, "ah" over the cute bunnies and try to avoid the cow droppings in between and then we wait for the evening music to start. These last 15 years the highlight for my daughters has been to take my Mom on the Tilt -a -Whirl ride because Grannie just loves it and laughs and giggles through the whole thing. It is a good time and we all look forward to it. Grannie is 76 this year and still going strong.  This is our special “girl“ time together each year.

                                            Dad and Mom enjoying another year at the fair

My friends who have been in this community for the past 8 years had never been to the fair and were thinking of coming on Saturday so I told them I would see them there and some of the things we could do as I felt they would need some "family connections" to really see what the fair was all about. Well they texted Friday night to say they were going that night so I replied “have fun”. Now I must admit, I kinda chuckled to myself at the time because I thought...they are not going to have much fun and be wondering what one does at the fair but I also hoped that they may run into a few people they knew and make some of their own “connections” with friends. Well I ran into them this afternoon and they never said anything but I brought up the fact that there wasn’t much to do at the fair and I could tell that they totally agreed with me. I tried to explain to them about the fair but really didn’t know what to say because they are right...there isn’t much there.

No, there really isn’t a lot to do at the fair if you don’t enjoy watching animals being judged or horses jumping over rails or seeing which old tractor can pull the furthest, but what there is, is connection. The fair is where you will see people that you may only see each year at the fair. A time when you reunite, find out how each other’s year has been and wish each other the best for the coming year. You’ll get to see your friends’ children or grandchildren, hear their accomplishments and share in a few laughs.  This morning in fact I was witness to the most beautiful event. A young woman who was born with Down syndrome, who my children went to school with, was sitting on a bench a few feet from us. I looked over and her boyfriend was down on his knees and he slid a beautiful ring onto her finger and asked her to marry him. She squealed in delight, leapt up into his arms, they shared a loving kiss and then she ran over to show us her beautiful ring...he followed and very proudly stated that is was a good ring and it had only cost him $28.00. They were two very innocent, young, loving people and their joy and love touched my heart.

So the small town fair....not much there if you’re not an old time farmer, not much to do if you don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on rides but what there is there, is history, tradition and lots and lots of connections. And you may just get blessed as I was today, to see love in action.

Fears

A friend of mine wrote about following our fears a few weeks ago.  At first when reading it I didn’t really like what he had said. I mean who wants to follow their fears, most of want to run from them. Yet it has gotten me to thinking about my fears. I am not really sure what my fears in life are. I suppose my greatest fear would be to lose one of my children but that is a fear that you cannot follow and hope I never have to face.

I spent many years of my life living in fear, the kind where your heart races, your body feels hot and you are almost immobilized with the fear. I had fear that I would do something wrong, fear that either my children or I would be hurt, fear that I would be left alone and not be able to support myself and my children, fear of just being alone.  I lived with those fears but did not follow them....instead I escaped from them.  It took courage but the freedom of living without that fear was such a relief.

I would like to think that at this stage of my life I could follow my fears instead of running from them but I honestly am not sure what my fears are. I have written before about change and how I do not deal well with it so maybe that is my fear and also the fear my buddy spoke of. Yet the thought of change doesn’t “scare” me the way it did in my past.  I also am no longer stressed over the errors I make at work, I still get angry with myself when I mess up but I don’t dwell on them, I just correct them the best I can and carry on. I have learned that we all make mistakes and without mistakes in our lives how would we ever learn.  I now live alone and spend many hours with myself so although I get lonely at times, I no longer fear being alone...in fact many days I welcome it.

So I have now reached the point where I am wondering, if I have no fears am I really living life. Have I gotten so comfortable in my personal and work life that there are no challenges to cause me to feel fear? I obviously need to spend some time thinking about this. I have been working on a bucket list for this past year, doing things that I have wanted to do, some that were physically challenging for me but the only fear would be that I would be unable to finish...really nothing to be scared about. I was nervous singing in a choir concert for the first time but I wouldn’t call that fearful. Maybe my idea what fear differs from what others feel as fear. Maybe I have mixed up the feeling of being “scared” with the feeling of “fear”. There are other things that I don’t want to do but it isn’t that I am scared  to do them....like eating stuffed mushroom caps....I just really don’t want to. I guess I would need to make some major changes in my life to be able to follow my fear....try something totally off the wall.  Take off on a new adventure, change my place of employment, or move to a new town. I suppose these would cause me to be nervous and cause me to worry but I am not sure I would be feeling fearful.  I do have a fear of heights. When I step close to the edge up on the mountain my heart races so I suppose I have a fear of falling off even though I know I won’t. I don’t really have a desire to go cliff climbing but should I try it in order to follow my fear?

If you are not feeling fear, or following your fears are you living life to the fullest? How does one “follow” fear? Any thoughts?

p.s. after walking with a friend this morning....maybe I need to change the word to worry as I do worry a lot about life and I think that is different from fear.

Paradise

The beginning of this week saw me looking for escape....a way to run away from life, forget my worries and stress, not having to make decisions and just be. I found a song “Knee deep” that I continuously played (my apologies to my neighbours and co-workers). Its words somehow sent me on a mission...that all I had to do was be knee deep in water somewhere, lose myself and I would find the peace and paradise that I was craving.  So I rounded up a couple of friends, planned a beach outing for the weekend and waited with great hope and anticipation.

The day has now come and gone. It was wonderful, fun, relaxing and somewhat peaceful. It passed all too quickly. I found myself twice walking what seemed like miles out across the sand to the water. I waded up to my knees and well past my knees honestly expecting something to happen. Nothing did and I was not at all shocked by this but at the same time I kept hoping something would....I wanted to feel something whether it be peacefulness , a calming or a great sense of joy. I looked around at the mountain tops still covered in snow, I breathed in the wonderful ocean smells and listened to the quiet gentle waves as the tide came in. It was wonderful, I tried to be thankful for all of this and but something was missing. The day itself was great, good food shared with friends, stories told, laughs shared and as a souvenir I have wonderfully painful sunburn and look like a cooked lobster. I never found what I was looking for and life has carried on. As much as we all want to run away from life from time to time I guess we eventually have to come home.

This morning I watched the funeral service for Jack Layton that I had missed yesterday. I have never heard such an inspiring memorial service. It truly has me believing that we can change this world and it be a place for all people to live free and peaceful lives. 

So now once again I am hopeful. I am thinking I missed the importance of the words in the song....it was more than being knee deep in water. Maybe it is in the words “when you lose yourself you find the key to paradise”. So I shall take Jack’s inspiring words that we can change the world, go to church and sit  in the quietness of the sanctuary, lose myself in God’s love and just be.  I realize now that finding the “key” is not going to happen in an hour, a day or a year but just maybe with love, hope and optimism I can change the way of how I live and maybe a teeny tiny bit of the world at the same time. Then hopefully the day will come when we no longer crave a sense of paradise but can be peaceful in life just as it is.

On a funny note, the song talks about how are only worries will be whether the tide will reach our chairs. Well years ago when my children were little we would spend some holiday time out on the beaches of Parksville, where I continually was worried that the tide would come in and our stuff would get wet. I would worry and fuss until my family grudgingly agreed to move our chairs in from near the water. Looking back now, how silly, wet beach items are all small stuff and hey it might have been fun to try and outrun the tide!

p.s. have returned from church....was a very political sermon due to Jack's death. Good but too political for this gal...I think next time I shall be like my friends and find God out on the trails amongst the trees!....Blessing from Linda...who is still searching....

Simple with Humility

Returning from a week’s holiday one would think I would have lots to blog about but I am not sure how one writes about a week of relaxing in the sun, sharing good food and laughter with new friends.  So instead I shall share a bit about a book I read while laying on the beach in the sun. The book is titled “Joshua” and is a parable about Jesus’ life and written by a retired Catholic priest, Joseph Girzone. It is very simply written and a good reminder of how God wants us to live. The story of is of a man, Joshua, who comes to small town, a wood worker by trade and through his conversations with the town folk he reminds the people of Jesus’ message to us “that all people are free, free to enjoy being God’s children, free to grow and become the beautiful people God intended.” He goes on to say how “real religion is in people’s hearts, not in buildings”. The story talks about churches and how some leaders try and control their congregations and rule them as if playing God, how God never intended us to worship in such a structured way. The book of course ends with some of the religious leaders who fear Joshua, calling him to counsel and after sharing his beliefs with them, Joshua, of his own choice quietly disappears.   In some ways Joshua’s wonderful connection with God and nature reminds me of the minister of the church I attend. His gentle ways, his openness to all people and their faiths and the way he lives a simple and humble life, is truly how God intended us to be.

I was very surprised to find this book, which does not show the better side of the Catholic faith, was written by a Catholic priest. He obviously lived his life under the strict structure of the Catholic Church and yet it couldn’t have been an easy time for him if he truly believes the teachings of Jesus that he has shared in his book.

The story in many ways saddened me because what he wrote of was so very true. How churches and people are so divided and how people use their power over others instead of us all living an equal life where there is food and shelter for all. Our lives should be simpler, our needs much less, but society has us all wanting more. More things for our homes, better vehicles, well just plainly, more stuff. I am as guilty as the next person. But the book also was inspiring and gave me hope. It was good to hear the goodness of us all in Jesus teachings. In my heart I know I just need to walk along the trails or sit by the ocean in solitude, in order to connect with God and enjoy all of creation.  The inner peace and freedom we all crave will not come to us through obtaining more stuff, taking more holidays, having more friends, being busier than we need to be, but it will come to us from inside. All we have to do is open our hearts and just be, surrounded by the spirit of God’s love for all. Live a simple life with humility and openness.

Differences along the same path....

It has come to an end and what an awesome experience this ministry exchange has been for all. I have learned much from these past five weeks even though I continued to work in the same position in the same office. I used to believe that I would have to leave my job when my colleagues retire because I didn’t feel I could handle the change of working with a new minister. I don’t deal well with change and having someone new come in and change the things that we have done over the last 10 years would be too hard and frustrating for me to cope with. But I have now worked for a different minister, from a different country with different beliefs for five weeks and I have survived. There were many times I had to bite my tongue and not get my back up over our differences. I tried to be open to his ideas and the way he saw things....it was hard. I am surprised at how strong I have become over these last 10 years in my beliefs and how strongly I feel about them. I know what I believe and obviously don’t like it when someone doesn’t agree. I find I am laughing at myself because how can I be open to all people and their faiths when I strongly believe that my beliefs are the “correct” ones. I thought I could accept other people’s beliefs and have even taken part in some of their practices but they have never become my own so does that mean that I really am not as accepting as I had believed myself to be. I guess each person finds their own path that fits them, their lifestyle and their heart and I need to accept that.

My colleagues are very quiet people, who work hard, and keep their private lives private. My exchange “boss” is the most extraverted person I have ever encountered. I learned more about him in the first four hours of meeting him than I have from other colleagues that I have known for many years. He is full of laughter and can tell you story after story about his life, sharing it with all. He sang to us, he talked with us and he laughed....always loudly laughing.  He was very open about his thoughts and very opinionated about what he felt was the "true way" of Christianity and yet obviously open to bending his ways to fit ours during his stay.

So we are of the same faith but our beliefs are so very different. We came together as strangers and we parted as friends. Connections have been made and I am sure they will continue on across the ocean. There is still a part of me that wants to get him on the “right path” of Christianity and yet I know in my heart that I won’t say anything. It is not my place to try and "convert" him to my way of thinking. We are travelling towards the same destination, along the same path.....travelling side by side but with some differences and space between us and that is okay.

Tonight I sit in wonder about what life will bring. The people involved in this exchange have had an enriching experience and I don’t feel things will ever be exactly the same. The people who were away have been changed from what they experienced but isn’t that what life is all about, growing and changing. Sharing our experiences with others so that they too can grow and change. All of us, no matter what our faith and beliefs are, are moving towards a deeper understanding of ourselves and of this wondrous world we live in.

So what do I take away from the five week exchange? Thankfulness that the fives weeks were so much fun and so deeply enriching. The knowledge that I can be strong in my beliefs and yet not push them on others, that I can work with others even when we disagree and most of all that life is meant to be lived and you can’t do that without new adventures and change. (and thankfulness that it is over and my "buddies" have returned although they keep threatening to head right back over there.)

Community Spirit

Today our small community of Duncan came together to celebrate our countries birthday. There were many events all over the town that one could attend...for free. These events were run by community groups and volunteers and welcomed all who came to take part.

This morning there was a parade out in Maple Bay which ended at the rowing club. A local community band played while other groups had hamburger sales, ice cream and pop, cake and raffle draws. The local Yacht club was there with their sailing school and the kayak company was there with kayaks for people to use. There were people there of all ages, kids playing on the beach, everyone celebrating this wonderful country we live in. Downtown there was a beach volley ball tournament, all arranged by volunteers. Sand was hauled into the downtown parking lot and the games began. There was a barbeque and entertainment afterwards ending in the evening. 

In the afternoon there were two events for families to join in. The Moose Community Lodge hosted a great many games and face painting for kids. There was lots to do and music to enjoy. In the evening an intercultural dance was held ...all of this run by non profit groups and volunteers. Transport was free from downtown out to the hall for those without vehicles. The local forest museum also had many events being held with a low entrance fee of $2.00 to make it more affordable for everyone. Trains rides, face painting and cake for everyone to enjoy.

This community always has many events throughout the year that are run by the local groups and volunteers. I have never really thought about it much and taken it all for granted. I was surprised to hear from a visitor from Scotland that these type of events don’t happen over there. I can’t imagine what living in a place like that would be like. People here volunteer hours of their time towards these events and other things year round that make our community whole.

I work in a place that helps people who live on the street or are in need of food and/or financial support. In many ways they live in a different world than I do but tonight as I was downtown listening to the music we were all there together. We meet with smiles and hellos. These gatherings bring us together as a family, giving us all pride in our home town with great team spirit.

I feel so thankful for being born into this country, into this small caring and supportive community, where people of all races and beliefs and from all walks of life can come together, share in laughter, music and games and be proud of who they are. We are Canadian eh! And I don’t think we can or should take that for granted. Let us all be thankful.

A Gift

I was given a gift last night....a very special gift that has touched me deeply inside my soul.

I was given the gift of being with a dear woman as she passed from this life onto the next. It has taught me so much about life. How precious life is, how extraordinary this world is and how loving God is. I had heard how beautiful death was. I couldn’t imagine how it possibly could be, until last night.

I think the beauty starts in the comfort and prayers that others give to those dying. Gone are the restrictions that would normally hold a person back. Feelings are shown and shared. Tears freely flow down your cheeks.  A shared caring for another person is put before anything else. The dying are cared for with dignity and grace. They are wrapped in love with prayers and blessings from so many, near and far. There seems to be a knowing within them.

Our bodies are wondrously made. I have often been amazed by their complexity. Last night I was shown how our bodies are truly vessels that God has given to us, for our use here in this world. They are not who we are but simply the containers that hold our spirit and our souls. When our bodies tire and wear out, with age or illness, they simply stop working. The vessel remains but deep inside, our souls are released and fly free from this place into whatever lies ahead in a beautiful indescribable way.

Today I sat on a mountain top looking over this beautiful world that we are so blessed to have. The wind softy blew across my face and I remembered. I remembered the fun I had shared with this wonderful woman, the laughs, the trials as her body and mind slowly wore out, and the care we had given each other in so many different ways. I am not sure she knew what a gift she has been to me or how honoured I feel to have shared the last minutes of her life with her, such a gift from her family to me. Her soul peacefully left the beautiful vessel that had carried her for over 93 years. And so today, as I watched the wind blow through the clouds and trees, I could feel her spirit so free from pain and suffering, blowing with the wind.

A courageous, loving and giving woman, who has given me and so many others such wonderful gifts of care and love is now with God. I shall miss her, yet it so many ways we are still together. We are not alone, we live in God’s world, here on earth and life beyond death. She flies on.

Bossy

Bossy–adjective, boss·i·er, boss·i·est.

given to ordering people about; overly authoritative; domineering.

I was 9 years old when I overheard a conversation between our neighbour and my Mom...she was telling my Mom how my friend didn’t want to play anymore with me today because I was being too bossy. My cat had given birth to kittens and we were playing with them through the fence and I suppose I had been telling him in my “bossy manner” what he could and could not do with the kittens. I remember the day clearly. I didn’t like being called “bossy”. I felt it was a bad thing (and I still believe it is) and so I tried to change my ways.

When I was 21 my supervisor said to me “Linda you were born to be a leader but for some reason you keep insisting on being a follower”. I have never forgotten her words. In most ways she was correct. I like to lead, to organize things, be in control and well frankly just do things my way. So I guess this can be labelled as being bossy. Even though I know this is how I am, I am not sure I really like it.

Yesterday my “new boss” pretty much told the world ( in a kind manner) that I have been “bossing him around”. At 48, I still don’t like the label. I don’t mean to be bossy and honestly just thought I was helping him find his way. Inside of me there is still that 9 year old, who now has her arms crossed over and says “bossy eh, well fine. I shan’t tell you what to do this week and shall just stand by and watch you flounder along on your own. We’ll all see how that goes”. (haha) But thankfully I have grown up (a bit).This morning, as I once again awakened too early, I laid there thinking of all the things I need to prepare this morning at work.  I suppose I shall get things printed off and ready for the week before his arrival in the office. I will act professionally and try to keep that 9 year old behaviour under control. I am sure we will share a laugh over this before the day is out, and so I shall continue to guide him in the right direction... but maybe just a bit more gently?

Changes

I have never been one to adjust to changes easily. I like things to remain as they are ...known and safe. I lived in the same home throughout my childhood, went to school with the same friends, and attended the same church. Since reaching adulthood I have had many many changes especially over these last 10 years. I really thought I had adjusted to changes in my life, was more open to change, but this week has shown me that I have not.

Where I work we are sharing in a great adventure. My colleagues have gone off to Scotland for five weeks on a work exchange and the Scotland folks have come here to work. They are all wonderful people and this experience will not only be enjoyable for everyone involved but also a great learning experience. We hope that after these five weeks we will stay connected to one another and continue on with friendship and our shared faiths.

And they leave.......

So Tuesday I said farewell to my dear friends and workmates and a few hours later welcomed our new friends from Scotland. There has been much laughter and stories shared. We are learning each other’s language...although we both speak English the meanings for words we use are not always the same over there. Here we “greet” people and have “greeters” at our door. In Scotland greeting means to be weeping or sobbing. So we are learning about each other and laughing as we go along.



And from Scotland they arrive....

My friends have arrived in Scotland and will be meeting their new colleagues today. From what I have heard I believe they will struggle more with the different language than we are here. I believe they will return enriched from this journey they are on.

So in amongst all of this I have been unable to sleep. I have been tearful. My nursing pal says I am just missing my friends (who will be back before I know it) and that I just don’t adjust to change well. I think she is probably right. Things are going to be different and I am prepared and yet I seem to be overwhelmed by it all.

It’s going to be interesting and I plan to be very mindful of my emotions and feelings over these next few weeks, the laughter and the tears. I am intrigued by my reactions to this wonderful adventure.

So.....I shall carry on, try to embrace the change, enjoy the fun and hopefully find sleep soon!!! LOL

Respectful Connections

As a friend prepares for a great adventure, many blogs and emails have been exchanged.  It has brought laughter to some and concern to others. We all need to be careful on what we email, post or blog and say about others. People’s lives can be greatly affected by the words of others.

 I used to be a very private person. I lived a life where I had a great number of “secrets” that I held within. I worried over what others thought of me, of speaking in front of a group, of running into old classmates. Over the past six years I have tried to be more open with people and share more about my life. I try to "just be me" and not hide behind sarcasm and humour. It means having higher self esteem and more faith in myself.

I feel in order to be true to yourself you need to trust your friends and family with your thoughts; ideas, maybe even your dreams. You also need to believe that they will still love you when they see the real you. It is not easy and sometimes can take great courage. We also have to realize that not everyone we meet will love us or even understand us and that too is okay. I have become more confident, outgoing and well, more talkative (although some will find it hard to believe that it is possible for me to talk more now than I did as a child). Thankfully, some people like to be quieter, more conservative. God made us who we are, everyone of us different, unique, everyone of us loveable.

Emailing and blogging can be an "easy" way to share with people because it is not face to face. We can find safety and a sense of courage in front of our computer screens. Yet because it is not face to face we can’t see the emotion or facial expressions of the writer or the reader, what we say can sometimes be taken the wrong way. You may be laughing while you are typing but the reader cannot see that and may not “hear” the laughter in your words. Also each person’s sense of humour differs from others. Sometimes people get hurt by the words that others have typed, friendships can be harmed. Many misunderstandings have happen over the internet. This computer era, while it connects us with people all over the world, it takes away from the real personal connection that we have with each other. I hate to think what is going to happen over the next few decades. Will people still meet at the local coffee shop to visit or will we just Skype each other from home? Will we be there to hug a friend in need or will we just type {hugs}. Will personal relationships even form and grow? Will we find that deeper connection that comes from face to face contact?

Although I have become more open myself, I have to remember that other people can live much more private lives and I need to respect that.  I haven't forgotten how important trust in one another is. We are all journeying along together, yet we are all at different places on the trail. So while emailing, writing or blogging about yourself is great, an awesome way for self expression, respecting others while doing so, is most important and that I believe is my lesson learned for this weekend. Remember, not only is God watching but the world may be reading!!

p.s  I know the laughter over this will follow ...in about 2 months time!

Patience

Firstly I have no patience....never have really but lately it seems I have needed it. I have been redoing my very small backyard since the beginning of April. It seems like forever. I had fresh soil brought in for the flower beds, topsoil for the lawn area and then with great impatience I planted the grass seed.....in April...the week before Easter. Now I knew this was too early, all my friends told me so but I wanted it done, I wanted my lawn.
I have watered and waited, waited and watered. I feel I did my bit. The sun however did not do it's part.
As the May long weekend approaches I sit here on my patio surrounded by the flowers in my freshly planted flower pots (Mother's Day weekend tradition) and I look out at what should be a wonderful green lawn. It isn't there. What I see is greenish...but it is green clumps of grass in amongst big spaces of dirt. Patience, I tell myself, the sun is now shining, the air is warm, the grass will grow, the empty spaces will fill with green. But I want to mow...I want it to have that nice cut lawn look...all even and tidy. I know if I attempt it, it will hurt the vunerable little wisps of grass that are still trying to poke their way up towards the sun. So I am waiting...til the weekend...til next week...til.....
I always was a very demanding child...when I wanted something, I wanted it right then and there and acted very inappropriately when I didn't get it fast enough. Now I have no control over the weather or my lawn...I have to be patient whether I want to or not....or do I?
SOD!!!

As America celebrates...

I find myself saddened that countries are celebrating the death of another human being. What has the world come to? No wonder wars continue on and peace on this planet seems so unreachable at times.
Where is our compassion for all people...good and evil...when will kindness win over revenge? When will we learn to love one another and this planet that is our home and stop being so distructive.
Today I am in shock and sickened by what we have become...no lesson learned and no laughter either.

10km ....a long way to run

Today I ran in my first 10k run in Victoria. The amount of people there running was amazing...over 13,000 people showed up to run and walk. Everyone happy and enjoying the companionship of friends. The sun shone brightly as we took off at 8 a.m. The first 4 km were pretty good...then I needed to stop and walk a bit, then back to running, arriving at the ocean around the 6km mark. I couldn’t help but notice the beauty around us and the wonderful ocean smells. People were out cheering everyone on, musicians playing along the way and thankfully some water stops.  6km – 8km was very hard going...I found myself stopping and walking bits here and there. The last 2 kms were harder still but there was the knowledge that we would soon finish and that kept me running.

Last summer when I decided to give this a try I had hoped to be able to run without stopping. Well I didn’t do the training I had planned on. I never pushed myself and quite often changed to walking. A friend that was also planning to run, kept at it and was way ahead of me in the training department. I had almost given up the idea of making it when another friend, hearing of my disappointment in myself, signed on to run with me. That was my saving grace. Having someone with you, encouraging you makes a huge difference.

So, as I sit writing this, I am in pain, my legs are done for the next day or two but I am happy to have finished the race. Looking back now it really went by very quickly and with some training maybe one year I will run the whole thing but I know I would have to dedicate many more hours to running and pushing myself, not giving up when I tire, but going that extra kilometre or two.

Lesson learned: Nothing really comes easy in life...you have to really want it and if you truly want to do something, you need to really work on it, plan ahead and make the time for it.

Pretending

Today I have learned that it is very hard to pretend to be something you are not. I want to be serious, professional and quietly friendly. Unfortunately my sense of humour comes flying out from all directions and sometimes quite in appropriately. So what  should be a quiet office, somehow gets  turned into a room full of laughter and joking. It is good energy but not what one maybe would expect to find. I honestly tried today to be quiet, polite and business like.....I didn't suceed.

“God don’t make no junk”  implies that we are all as we should be so why do we continue to desire to grow and change and become more than we are. Without growth, emotionally and spiritually, where would we all be today and what would our future hold. How does one be content with who they are today and not crave for change to be something more. Lesson learned: I cannot be something I am not until the time is right. Pretending doesn't work.