Self Imposed Challenge Accomplished

It’s Boxing Day, a day which could be a day of rest after the hectic day of Christmas. I had planned to spend today visiting with my son and daughter in law but found out yesterday that the visit would be postponed until tomorrow. A nice day at home would be welcomed. Except last night, I felt I had been challenged.

I had a wonderful Christmas day visiting with my parents and some close friends. We shared the dinner meal together and afterwards the women visited while the two men graciously cleaned up the kitchen and did all the dishes. My friends are great outdoors people and spend every free moment out running, hiking and kayaking. Thankfully they do invite me to tag along on many occasions. Last night my friend mentioned to my parents that I was jealous of their adventure of hiking to the cross, a favourite hike of mine. He was right. I am jealous. I hope my friend realizes how blessed he is in life to be married to his soul mate, his best friend and his hiking and kayaking partner. I love to hike but unfortunately I am on my own and don’t have a hiking partner to enjoy the outdoors with. I do hike solo from time to time but in doing so have to endure lectures from family and friends on being a woman alone on the trails. Over the last few months I have tried to hike to the cross on my own but each time have turned around due to my fears, the wind in the trees, the thought of a bear, or the quietness in the woods. However after last night’s innocent comment some part of me felt challenged. Challenged to show that I don’t need him to hike to the cross with, that I am quite capable of getting there on my own...snow and all.

It was a great day to hike. I decided I could try out some of my new hiking attire and also try a mix in my water that I had been given as gifts for Christmas. After last Saturday’s hike this time I was prepared for snow on the trail. Heading up there wasn’t as much snow as I had anticipated but there were many small lakes, rushing creeks and fallen trees to make the going interesting and challenging. I followed the footprints in the snow and mud, carefully trying to advoid as much water as possible. I reached the point where the quiet stillness in the trees usually has me turning for home but I carried on singing out loud to keep myself company. I was determined to reach the cross, after all, I had a point to makeJ. Reaching the Y in the trail I decided to go the usual route, turning right even though the number of foot prints were less in this direction. At least one person though had gone this way sometime earlier in the day. It was so quiet and peaceful, there was only the sound of the water running down the path and through the little streams.



The cross surrounded by winter snow

Finally after 45 minutes I reached my destination, the cross. It was beautiful up there alone. Looking down one could only see low clouds or fog and very little of the landscape below. The quietness gave me a very deep quiet spiritual feeling and as I turned to head down the back trail I looked up at the cross and said a brief prayer to God. This time praying a somewhat selfish prayer, a prayer for myself which I don’t often do, but it was so “magical” up there I was draw to whisper out loud my “wish”.

A foggy mystical view

Heading down there was so much water that I actually had to step right into the creeks and there were places where the trail seemed to disappear from being covered by huge fallen trees. Thankfully there were the footsteps in the snow to follow. Coming down I met three different groups of folks heading up. None of them dressed as warmly as myself, one even in cloth sneakers. I must admit they had me feeling a little over dressed but better safe than sorry is my motto when hiking alone and for that reason I was taking the less steep route on return.

Where did the trail go?

Reaching the car, I felt grateful for the morning and so very thankful for my new hiking shoes. I purchased these a month ago on the advice of my very knowledgeable outdoor friends and my outdoorsy daughter. They are the best. They are comfortable, and dry. I have hiked through puddles, creeks, 4 inches of snow and not once have my feet gotten wet. Definitely the best shoes I have ever owned.

I am now home, and I must admit feeling a little silly for allowing my buttons to be pushed, but glad that I made the journey and didn’t let my fears turn me back. Life is full of fears and challenges, some very small, others huge and some self imposed but when they are met or achieved they can give one a feeling of success.

Happy Boxing Day! New Years Day coming up next and I wonder what challenges 2013 will bring..and will my whispered prayer be heard?

A Very Different Christmas

It is the night before Christmas! It’s a time of excitement and joy as we wait in anticipation for the birth of Christ and the arrival of St. Nick. Christmas has always been a very exciting time in my life, yet usually with lots of stress in the preparation of having the "perfect family holiday." This year however things are so different. I noticed weeks ago that I had no angst this year in trying to gather the children on the "right day". They are all coming at different times and on different days and I have been amazed that I am not upset by the fact that we won’t all be together on Christmas day. The gifts were bought early before my holiday, leaving just a few stocking items to pick up and that was quickly done weeks ago. It just isn't my nature to be so laid back about the holiday. Even in the planning of cooking Christmas dinner with my parents and having friends come over and share the meal with us is not causing me any stress or lack of sleep. A year or two ago it would have sent me over the top I am sure but this year somehow it all just seems so simple and I know all shall just be as it is and it will be good.

Along with the calmness of the holiday is the knowledge that I am surrounded by sadness. So many people I know, friends and acquaintances are struggling over different things in their lives. They all seem to be coping and dealing with whatever life has presented, but I seem to be so sad, grieving over all of their losses. My heart hurts for them all and once again I question why am I so blessed in my life to feel so content and happy, living in a time when my life feels perfect. I wish I could "fix" things so that everyone was feeling the Christmas joy and that we would laugh together. Life is strange and there are no answers to the whys. It is that time of year when we almost expect good things to happen but that doesn’t seem to be the case this year. There are so many losses. Losses of family, losses of friends, losses of purpose, losses of health, fears of what the future will be, it seems to be a time of grief. My tears flow daily with the sadness and the feeling of helplessness. Maybe it just comes with being part of a faith community, there is more closeness, more sharing, along with the love and compassion, there are more tears. With the tears hopefully comes healing and a sense of acceptance to whatever is to come as the new year approaches. A new year in which we can move forward in life and hopefully be able to embrace all that life has to offer us.

Tonight when I attend church as I try to contain my tears, I will think of tomorrow, the family and friends I will share the day with, the good food I will eat, the gifts we will exchange and I will be so very thankful for being blessed with such wonderful people to journey through my life with. It will be Christmas, my very favourite day of the year. Christmas, the birthday of Jesus, who came to us and taught us such valuable lessons, is also a time to grieve together, a time to laugh together and a time to be thankful for all of God’s blessings.

Solitude, Nature and Being in the Moment

It’s three days before Christmas, the gifts are all bought and wrapped, the decorations are up, so all that was left was some grocery shopping and the cleaning. Awakening this morning at 6:15 I was soon up and off to the gym, immediately followed by grocery shopping to beat the crowds. Arriving home by 8 am I began on the housecleaning, planning ahead to a day of relaxing on the couch watching Christmas movies. As I cleaned though the plans seemed to change and at 10:30 am with the house looking passable, I dressed in my hiking clothes, grabbed a snack and by 11 am headed up the Trans Canada Trail. My plan was to walk to the old Chinese Cemetery, out near where I used to live. My daughter thought it would be too far, at least 90 minutes one way but I felt a good three hour hike would be great. What I didn’t count on was the snow. The trail in amongst the trees was covered in icy crunchy snow. With every step forward I would slide a bit backwards, my hike was going to be a challenge. I continued on my way admiring the beautiful forest trees, noticing the odd brownish leave still clinging to it’s tree branch, and listening to the wonderful sound of the rushing water in the nearby creek. It was a time of solitude and a time to reflect on life and just be in the moment.

Looking ahead down the long snow packed trail

After an hour I knew it would indeed be at least another half hour to make it to my destination. I was tempted to turn back but I so wanted to see my old hiking trails and just before heading out I had received some sad news about a friend, a man who has always handled life with positivity and laughter. It made me realize how one really needs to make the most of every moment in life and not waste a precious second of it laying around doing nothing, so onward I went. Once crossing the main road I headed along trails that I haven’t walked in at least 5 years. I used to hike daily with my dog when I lived out in the country but haven’t returned since she died. It was great to see the old neighbourhood where I spent 14 years raising my children. Some things had changed, others remained the same.

 A fast running creek in amongst the moss covered trees

 

There were paw prints in the snow which years ago could have been made by our dog Sasha. I thought a lot about her and how we shared our daily journeys. We had some good times together and I could picture her running along beside me as I ventured further down the trail. Nearing the cemetery I came upon the old narrow dirt path that took me up into the trees to the top of the cemetery. It felt good to be on a trail and off the snowy packed route on which the snow had become 3 o r 4 inches deep. Finally, as my daughter had predicted 90 minutes into my hike, I had arrived at the top. It had changed so much. What used to be trails were now more like roads. My old rock that I had sat upon for 4 or more years conversing with God about my future and my children’s future was no longer there. Obviously many people must now use the trails for their quads and dirt bikes yet today I was alone in the trees. It was so peaceful to look out at the snow covered mountains and just take in the quiet and peacefulness of nature. Although there is so much hurt and sadness in our world there is also so much good, so many things to enjoy and be part of. I live in a wonderful area full of mountains, forests, oceans, lakes and rivers. There are so many adventures to enjoy, even if only for a few hours a day.

Above the cemetery looking over at the mountains.

 

I must confess heading home, I was very tired, my back was sore, along with one foot. So, after 45 minutes on the snow packed trail knowing there were another 45 minutes to go, I headed out to the roadway and quickly headed for home. I knew being on the road I would be home enjoying a warm bowl of soup within 20 minutes. As much as I missed the quiet of the trees, I can’t say that the noise and fumes of passing cars deterred my happy spirit. It could have been the desire for food that had me running down the streets not carrying that I may been seen by friends who I am sure would wonder what I was up to. My pants were damp up to almost my knees, I had a pack around my waste complete with water bottle and safety items, and I probably looked a little worse for wear but inside I was smiling not caring what people saw or thought.

It’s been a great day and I am so thankful that I decided to get outdoors and enjoy some solitude instead of sitting here staring at a black box all day. Life is too short, too precious to waste, we need to enjoy every minute of it and be present. Don’t waste time looking back, don’t worry about tomorrow, just make the most of today, sometimes that’s all we have.