Moving On

Life is all about moving on. We have to keep moving, growing and changing in order to survive. Without change in our life we would become like bread when it is left just lying around, dried up and stale.

We are born as little helpless babies who need others to provide the necessities of life for us, to love and care for us. As we grow and develop we learn to care for ourselves. It isn’t easy. Think how many times a baby will topple over as they learn to sit, how many times they will fall as they learn to walk. It all takes strength and courage to keep trying until finally we are able to run. As babies we learn from being curious and exploring and from those who care for us. As children our teachers in life come from many sources in our families and communities. Yet I believe we learn the most in life from our own experiences, our own challenges and our own mistakes. I can’t say I am proud of everything I have done in my life. I do have regrets but I also have the understanding of why I made the choices I did and have accepted them. Just like learning to sit and walk it has taken strength and courage to move on and become who I am today. I know that I am a strong, capable person and that all shall be well and if not, well I can handle it. I mostly now am able to look with excitement to new experiences and changes but I have to admit there is still a little underlying fear.

There are no guarantees in life that “all shall be well” but the phrase keeps me hopeful and strong. They say “God never gives us more than we can handle” and it seems to be true. These next 6 months are going to bring many changes in my life and I am looking forward to some of the change and the challenge it will bring but as always with the unknown there is also a little feeling of fear that comes and goes. There will be loss, huge loss and yet I try and focus and am hopeful on what other good things will come and what growth this change will bring to me and my life and where it will lead me.

My son has a strong belief in thinking positive thoughts and focusing on the positive in life. I have been trying this for a while now and it really does seem to be very helpful. Yet as I try to keep my mind focused on what positive new adventures will come in these next few months, I can’t help but wonder if I am just avoiding the downside of it all. I ask myself is that really healthy? I know there is no point in dwelling on the negative. What will be, will be and I know I have the strength and courage to handle whatever will come. I shall keep positive and pray that I this is the right thing to do and that I am not just avoiding my true feelings. Like a child learning to walk I shall keep going forward and if I stumble and fall I shall get back up and just keep moving on. I mean really...how bad can it be to say good bye to friends and staff members in both offices and attempt to keep things running smoothly....should be a piece of cake...right? I am so blessed to have the support of family and friends who surround me with caring and kindness whether I succeed or stumble and fall. Life is good, God is great and onward I shall go!

What a Morning!

What a glorious weekend. It is Easter weekend and for many reasons I think it will be a time I remember for many years to come. Journeying from Maundy Thursday to Easter Sunday has brought such clarity to my life and a peaceful feeling to my heart.

Looking back I can’t honestly say what was preached about on Thursday or even Friday but I know they both brought me to an interesting place in my life. For as long as I can remember I have had a hard time forgiving myself. I didn’t seem to have problems forgiving others; it was myself that I struggled with. With counselling and spiritual guidance over these past years I have come to a place where I have forgiven myself for past errors in choice and can even move on from the mistakes I make today. Now though I am wondering if I have truly forgiven others for their past errors.

Last night my children and some of their partners all joined me for Easter dinner. It was a fun day with playing video games, sharing in the cooking with my eldest daughter, and desert being a cute chocolate bunny cake decorated by my youngest. Even though they are all in their 20’s they went out to do the yearly Easter hunt with some enthusiasm. After dinner we played a board game...something that probably will soon be a thing of the past. There was great conversation, lots of laughs and even though I lost, it was great fun.

This morning I attended the Sunrise service out by the lake. As I slowly dragged myself out of bed I thought I really could skip this service, there is no need for me to be there. Minutes later as I stepped out my front door I was so thrilled that I had gotten up. The sky was clear with a few wispy clouds turning pick as the sun began to rise. I quickly drove to the lake not wanting to miss a bit of the sun coming up over the mountains. As we gathered in the cold, clothed in warm coats, toques and gloves the sun peeked over the hill top bringing deep warmth to our bodies. You could actually feel the heat touching your skin and flowing through your body. It felt and looked beautiful and when a flock of geese flew over honking as we said the Lord’s prayer it was just a truly amazing and extraordinary experience. The words spoken and the sun shining on me not only warmed my body but my heart as well and I felt so grateful to be a part of this experience.

Following the sunrise service I attended the regular service with my youngest daughter and her partner. We had a special gift of music. Five young adult girls along with our children’s choir and adult choir presented a beautiful piece of music. Hallelujah, by Leonard Cohen with words by Kelly Mooney, an amazing song that tells the story of Jesus’ last days.  It brought goose bumps to my body and soul. So twice in one day I was touched by a service that was uplifting and gave one hope that anything in this  world is possible...even peace for all.

As life moves on with many changes ahead for me in my work and church life I have come to peace with what will be and am beginning to look forward to the challenge ahead. Life is such a gift and I am so blessed in this life, surrounded by wonderful family and friends, a comfy place to call my home and a spiritual place to work in. That alone is enough to fill my cup and bring me a deep inner happiness but my church family and friends and the experiences we share together cause my cup to overflow with warmth, care and love.  

Easter blessings to all of you who made this Easter weekend one that I will never forget.