Life and crunchy peaches

Last week I had some friends over for dinner. I am not a cook and I do not entertain often because I get so nervous that the food won’t turn out or something else will go wrong. Now preparing a dinner for these particular friends has an added complication due to the fact that they are vegan and I certainly am not. Last month’s dinner didn’t go too badly, I managed to cook up some mushrooms and some form of non meat chicken...whatever that is.   So this month I decided to take the easy route and do frozen pizza. How simple eh. I had no idea what to do for dessert and another friend suggested peaches. So I went and bought some the day before the dinner and without thinking I put them in the fridge where of course they wouldn’t ripen. To make matters worse the afternoon before the dinner did not go well so I didn’t bake or create anything with them as I had planned. As I cut up the peaches they were hard and crisp and I realized I hadn’t given the peaches the time or the atmosphere to mature into their ripened state and they were certainly not going to be their best. Following dinner, with not other ideas or options, I served my guests the peaches with a small bit of ice-cream.  They were good people and ate the hard, crunchy, non flavourful fruit with very little complaint. I must say there was the odd funny comment from one of them who didn’t really believe they could possibly even be peaches but it gave us all a laugh. Now a week later I have eaten the last two peaches, which I had left out to nicely ripen. They were so good, full of sweet flavourful juice. They were at that stage where they were their very best.

It got me to thinking about life and wondering, are we like those peaches?  As we journey through life are we ripening?  When we are younger we have so much to learn, are sometimes less confident and spend our time wondering what we should do with our lives. As we age we become more comfortable with whom we are and we seem to know what we want from life and what is right for us. We finally feel comfortable in our own skin and are more accepting to who we are and spend less time being concerned about what others may think. We are middle aged and beyond and we are at our best.   So it has me wondering. Is that what this life here on earth is all about? We start off like a small bloom, and grow into a lovely fruit.  When we leave home we have been “picked” to journey onward on our own. With care and love and warmth we will ripen and grow into the people we were meant to be and know we are loved for who we are. We are full of flavour, mature and at our very best. Later in life our bodies will start to fail us, like peaches left too long. As our bodies decline and prepare to return to the earth, I don’t believe our soul, the part of us that makes us who we are, will ever lose it's sweet, juicy flavourful self, it is ripened and ready for the next stage of our journey whatever that may be.

Hmmm, something to think more about. As I head towards turning 50 I hope I have reached that ripened state and have left behind my hard, crunchy unsure self. :)

It's a whole new world

I have been to Gabriola three or four times now over this past two years. The first time, I came in the summer and spent the day here visiting friends who have a cabin overlooking the ocean. We went to the Saturday market and they drove me around the island giving me a glimpse of what was here and then we shared a lovely dinner on their deck. Since that first visit I have come over twice on my own or with a friend and spent the weekend at their cabin, once in the early spring and once in the fall. I spent time exploring all the island trails but mostly stayed warm, meditating and reading in front of the cabin fire.

I am now here for an overnight stay on my own in the middle of summertime on a long weekend. Let me tell you....it's whole new world here on Gabriola in the summer. Upon my arrival I noticed all the people, many riding bikes along the road side. I arrived at the cabin and quickly unpacked my car and was on the deck eating my lunch within minutes. There was no wood to chop, no fire to light just the good sun shining down upon me bringing its natural warmth. When I come in the spring or fall I rarely see anyone about but this time I knew would be different as both neighbours were having their families over. Still it was nice and peaceful on the deck as I ate my lunch. However upon viewing the one trailer, two tent trailers, one tent and five cars next door I did not expect the quiet to continue throughout the day.

After lunch I decided to go check out the beach. Normally I would hike down there, sit in almost solitude and enjoy the peaceful sounds of the waves as they hit the beach. Today however not knowing what to expect I decided to drive down geared with swimsuit, towel, chair, a drink and reading material. As I parked my car along next to the other 21 vehicles I was thankful I had driven.  I walked along the trail and passed six bikes and a scooter and mentally prepared myself for a packed beach. I must say there were 50-75 people on the beach along with approximately 10 dogs. However it was nice and restful hearing all their chatter and laughter and I managed to go for a couple of swims.

90 minutes later I returned to the cabin and took my second shower of the day, removing all the sea salt from my skin and well, I had a nap. Following dinner as much as I was tempted to continue to be lazy on the deck I did not want to waste my time sitting around so I headed off for a hike. Now preparing to hike I realized I did not need the usua jacket, thankfully as I didn't even pack one, I did not need warm pants or a rain hat, so feeling rather lightly loaded I headed off in my tank top and shorts taking only a water bottle along just in case. 


Beautiful daisies along the trail


The trails were dead quiet. There were no people walking with their dogs only the silence of the forest. I could hear what I hoped were little birds rattling in the bushes as I passed by. The scenes were totally different from what I was used to. Where there usually was short green moist grass there was long dry grasses, where I used to jump around puddles there was dried hard dirt. There were flowers blooming along the way. The whole place looked different. I was a bit concerned on whether I would find my way. I had decided to take the upper trail and then head back down to the beach further along but totally missed the first turnoff, as nothing looked as it had in the fall. I then reached my favourite place in the fall....which I quickly decided, is not my favourite place in the summer. It is all dried up and brown. Eventually I came to the next turn off and headed down and back towards the ocean. Upon approaching the beach I found, what I have decided is my favourite summer spot. In the winter it is flooded and one has to hop from little log to little log to avoid stepping in the marshy grasses. In the summer, one can walk through the grasses stepping over the logs and the view. It is beautiful with the ocean peeking through the trees.

My favourite summer place


The tide was now in and there was no one in site at first glance. Soon however down they came...adults loaded with towels for their evening swim. I rested for 15 minutes enjoying the sounds of the waves hitting the shore. On my way up I passed a few more adults on their way down. Obviously they preferred the cool evening waters and the quiet beaches over the sand, children and dogs of the afternoon.
Upon returning to the cabin I took my third shower of the day, as it has become very muggy outside and well I needed a shower and a cold one at that. The neighbours to the left all seem to be back and it was kinda like being in a campsite...lots of laughter and chatter as they sat around in a circle enjoying each other’s company. I sat out on the deck, in my pajamas enjoying the night air enjoying reading a book. Eventually I went to bed but had to keep getting up as the moon was quite full and its light reflecting off the water was so wonderful to see. Five hours later I must admit I was up again watching the colours of the sky change as the sun slowly rose. It was an amazing site with beautiful oranges and reds.


Sunrise

 I am just so amazed at the difference in the island life from one season to the next. They all their good points and their downsides and I am not sure which one I prefer but am leaning towards fall. I love the warmth of a fire, rather than the heat of the sun and the quietness of the beaches in the fall give me lots of space for reflection. However I have to admit it was nice to be able to go swimming in the ocean and sit out on the deck and enjoy the beautiful view.
 
I am so very thankful to be able to go to Gabriola and see all the many differences of the seasons on the island...it truly is like coming to a whole new world and exploring somewhat familiar territories with new eyes and thankfulness for all that God provides for us on this earth. (And I am also very thankful for such generous friends who are willing to share their island paradise)

Car decals

Last year my youngest daughter decorated the back window of her vehicle with the members of her household....not of all her family but of those she lives with. She had herself, her partner, his cat, her fish and has now added two rabbits. I think it is so cool. Now when I drive or walk around town I can’t help but notice the decals...it is amazing to me all the children and pets some folks have.

I myself am not one to put stickers on my car but I love these family decals. It makes me believe that in this world of violence, crime and wars there is still so much love. The people that place these decals on their cars are proud of the people in their home and are placing the stickers on their vehicles with love.

I once lived in a household with two adults, three children, two cats, a dog and a rabbit. It would be so cool to place all these stickers on my window but my life has since changed. My children are all adults and have moved out, the pets have all passed on except for one and I moved out on my own many years ago.  So here is my problem. I love the decals. I want to put them on my car, but I live alone with a fish.  I have a fairly large family, I have loads of wonderful loving friends but the fact is I live alone with a fish. It is all basically by choice but I am too embarrassed to only put myself and a fish on the back of my car for all to see and I am not sure why. I feel it might make me look unlovable and although I used to feel that way at times, I certainly don’t now.

A friend of mine wrote a wonderful blog about humility and being humble and it has given me lots to think about.  I guess I need to be humble about who I am and face the fact that I live alone with a fish. I always seem to have so much pride. It has gotten me into so much trouble and in some cases caused me a lot of pain. Hopefully these past experiences have taught me something. Yet, I am not sure what I will do....swallow my pride and get the two decals, go and buy a dog so I have at least three decals, or just drive around envious of all those out there with their back windows full.

In a few months I will celebrate my birthday and move into the next decade. I would like to think that it will bring great change in myself and that I will be a wiser, better and more humble person. I mean really my life is more than half over, it is time to “grow up”.  Its not that I walk around being boastful about myself, nor do I think I am this great wonderful person, but the thought of having only myself and a fish on the back of my window does somehow bring embarrassment to me.

So the question is....will I do it? Will I be brave enough? And most importantly can I be humble enough to let every who sees me in my car know that , well....I live alone with a fish?

An Evening on the Water

This past weekend I was very fortunate to be taken out kayaking. I haven't been for quite a few years but certainly love being out on the water. In the past when I have gone I have rented a kayak from a local company and just showed up at the appointed time at the beach, hopped in and taken off. This time I was going with friends who were allowing me to use their extra kayak, so things were a little different. I was fascinated by the prep that goes into not only loading the kayaks but also having all the correct equipment for paddling and safety. These two paddle frequently so they have the routine down and seem to be very organized. Of course adding the extra kayak, added not only another boat, but another vehicle and more equipment. However they managed to do it all without complaint as I stood by and observed and we were soon down at the beach unloading.

The weather was perfect, sunny but with a few clouds to keep the air cool. Once in the kayak and out from the beach I realized I had forgotten how tippy kayaks were and quickly learned that it was best to just sit still and stay put. I paddled off and did my best to keep up with my skilled paddling buddies. At one point we were paddling along with one person way up ahead (obviously I wasn't going fast enough) and the other keeping me company at my slower pace. All of a sudden in front of my boat the dark water bubbled and moved, letting me know that there was something under there and I was about to go over top of it. I tried not to freak out too much but I must admit my paddle came out of the water and my body braced for whatever creature was about to "get me" Thankfully my friend told me not to worry it was just a seal and yes, after I passed over, his little head popped up behind me and all was well. Don't think I would want to run into any larger undersea creature...the seal was enough for me!

Whenever I am out on the water or even on the beaches I can't help but feel the presence of God. There is some connection with creation when I am near the oceans. As I was paddling along I felt deeply connected with the Creator. My spirits were lifted and there was a peacefulness. Once reaching the far point we turned back and were now facing the wind. It was so cool. I love the feel of a breeze on my face and the small little waves made for a more interesting ride. As we paddled back the sky was growing darker with clouds and the wind was picking up. Then right up ahead the most beautiful colourful rainbow appeared. It was so amazing and another lighter one formed behind it and off to the left we could see the other half of the rainbow. As I sat there absorbing all that my eyes were seeing I felt so thankful to be part of this glorious world, to have such caring friends to share it with, and for life itself. God and creation is all so amazing, it just boggles my mind really. I could have sat there for hours watching the colours brighten and then dim but unfortunately we were still some ways away from the shore and the paddle continued.

I must admit as we went around the last point, the shoreline looked a long ways off and I was feeling rather tired. My buddy was determined to keep me closer to shore and I felt I was being herded like a sheep but I suppose it was for my own good as the water was calmer and I could paddle at a quicker pace. Still, having someone come very close to you with their kayak can be a bit disturbing and the temptation to use my paddle as a water scoop was hard to resist. In fact if I hadn't been so concerned about tipping into the cold water I may have given him a good dosing!

I did manage to reach the shore and slowly unfold my body out of the kayak. I can't say it made a pretty picture as my body was a bit stiff from sitting in the same position for almost three hours but the adventure was so worthwhile.

So as always, I am thankful for all that God has given us on this earth, the ocean waters, the sea creatures, the colourful rainbows that remind us to be hopeful but most of all I am thankful for all the kind caring people I have in my life who invite me to join them on many adventures either out on the ocean, climbing the mountain or evenings out. I am so very blessed.

Invisible Strings

Friendships, they come in many shapes and forms but to me the deepest and truest friendships are the ones that are connected by invisible strings. It doesn’t matter if you see the person daily or if they live far away but if it is a true loving friendship you will always feel connected.

There is a children’s book called “Invisible strings” written by Patrice Karst. In this book a mother shares with her children how she is always with them even when they can’t see her because they are connected by invisible strings. I love this book because I believe it to be true. The people that we love and care about are always with us in our hearts, and in our thoughts. We feel their love and care and return that love to them even when we are apart . We are, connected by invisible strings.

An “Invisible string” friend to me is someone who you can open your heart to, be honest with and be whoever you are, knowing and trusting that they will not judge you but just love and accept you. It has taken me a long time to be able to have that kind of relationship. A person who I can tell my secrets to, act silly with, cry in front of and not worry later what they think. Friends who are there for each other, through both the hard and good times. Many people have had these deep friendships their whole lives but for me it has taken time to be able to trust.

Over these past few years I have developed a few of these trusting friendships and they mean the world to me. Most of them I see weekly if not daily and we have a very special bond. With two of them, life will soon shift and our daily connection will cease, but I know we will still be in touch, spend time together and always be connected, even when they travel afar.  We are connected by invisible strings.

I am very thankful that I live in the same town as my three children. We don’t see each other each day or even each week but we always have some type of communication or connection. In today’s world it is so easy to be in daily communication via email, cell phone, facebook, etc.  We don’t have to be face to face to share adventures together. They know they can reach me pretty much 24/7 and although I may not hear from them or contact them for days or weeks at a time, we are always connected by invisible strings.

So at the end of this week when my co-workers and trusted friends retire I will not be saying good bye to them. I am going to miss them but I know we have a deep heartfelt friendship that will carry on and even when apart we will always be connected. If I don’t hear from them for a while, well, I shall just give that "invisible string" a tug and I know they will feel it and we will share in that same caring connection that we have had for these past nine years.

Invisible strings, they are the best, they keep us connected to those who we deeply care about and love.

                                                       D & J my "invisible string" friends

Decisions #2

Over these past three years I have had to make the same decision over and over again. The first time, it seemed simple to make a choice; the second time was much more difficult. I weighed the choices, prayed a lot and made the same decision again. When I was faced with the same decision a third time I began to think that maybe this was God calling me to do something different with my life.

Lately I have thought a lot about how people feel they are being called by God to do something. Some say it is a feeling, others call it a nudge but they all seem to say that to follow the nudging isn’t usually easy and takes courage.  I on the other hand always have waited for the same “nudge” to come three times. If things seem to fall into place three times then I feel it is God calling me to do something about it. I guess I am either slow or stubborn but maybe it is just uncertainty.  I need to be totally certain that it is the right thing to do, whether that comes from being afraid of making a mistake, or my usual fear of change, I am not sure.

Now four months later, I am being faced with the same decision but this time things are different. I know this time it isn’t a nudging from God. I know this because the decision has only once again risen because of my error.  Some might call it “an unskilful action” but either way this choice I made hurt someone else badly. So now I am in a difficult spot. I am being very strongly encouraged, although I almost feel I am being forced, into choosing a different path this time around. It scares me, and it will probably cause me to upset other friends.  As I was struggling with this over the last couple of days a wise friend blogged about how we can find respite in nature. All my life, when struggling, I have looked to find the answers and that wonderful feeling of calm by being outdoors...either down by the beach or on the trails in the woods. After reading his blog I knew I needed to get outside and up the mountain, so off I went.

Up there on the hillside (due to wind I didn’t make it to the top) I sat looking out over the valley and I asked for forgiveness for the pain I have caused. I asked for the wisdom to make the right choice and the courage it may take.  I’m not sure I still have the answer but I do have a plan. This time around though I am going to try and look at the plan the whole way through to try and foresee the outcome of my decision. I don’t want to hurt others, I want to do what is right for everyone involved, including myself and I have to make a decision that is financially responsible.

Up on the mountain, it all seemed so simple, I left with a plan but down here in the valley the uncertainty rises once again. I don’t have any more time. If I am going to try and implement “the plan” I need to begin tomorrow. So God, I’m not good with feelings, I don’t feel your nudging strong enough so please, could you just hit me over the head before tomorrow and let me know which path to take. I’d really appreciate your guidance, thanks.

L

p.s.  As I went to post this blog I read my last posting...also on decisions. In reading it I remember how last time I didn’t really make a decision and hoped that no one was hurt. Well they were, so I guess action is better than leaving the decision to chance.

Decisions

I have never been very good at making decisions or making up my mind about what I want in life. Keeping things the same is easy, making changes never is but neither come with guarantees. In life there are no guarantees that you will be happy, that things will continue to carry on and life will be great.

I have been thinking about some things in my life this past month or so but never really making any moves towards making a decision. Time is running out. If I want things to change I need to do it very soon. So today I thought I better really get moving on this and so who better to ask for guidance but God. Now where to find God was the next step.

I laughed as I thought of the differences between the two people who offer me guidance in life. One says I need to mediate daily for at least 20 minutes to help me reflect on life, the other one believes movement out in nature brings you closer to God.  So there I was another decision to make in order to try and make some decisions.  Part of me was pulled towards climbing up the mountain to the cross, always a comforting place for me, another idea was to head to the beach, my old decision making place and  the other idea was to mediate, something I used to do daily but have not really practiced faithfully in 7 years.

Well the weather wasn’t great, my “rescue” people were probably out of town so the hike to the cross idea was dismissed.  The ocean beach, well it is not as close, the gas tank is low so forget that idea and besides it is very windy out. So I decided to go for a walk/run around the neighbourhood and try the “out in nature idea”. It went well but no decision was made as I returned home so I decided to mediate for 20 minutes, and after 15 very restless minutes I gave that up as there still was nothing.

My two attempts at getting close to God for an answer have me laughing at myself. I know I don’t need to do any of these things, that God is always right here within and around me. So you know what? I decided I don’t have to make any decisions. Whatever is meant to be will happen.  I shall just trust God to know what is best and well if in four months from now I am kicking myself, it won’t be because I made a wrong choice, it will be for just letting things be and not paying attention to what God called me to do.

So after spending the afternoon contemplating what decision to make, which pathway to take, I am going to do what I always do and well, do nothing and pray that it all turns out well for everyone involved. Hopefully this way no one will be hurt, everyone, including myself will feel useful and fulfilled, and life will be good.

Now for a movie, popcorn and an ice-cream float...so much better than decision making!