A Very Different Christmas

It is the night before Christmas! It’s a time of excitement and joy as we wait in anticipation for the birth of Christ and the arrival of St. Nick. Christmas has always been a very exciting time in my life, yet usually with lots of stress in the preparation of having the "perfect family holiday." This year however things are so different. I noticed weeks ago that I had no angst this year in trying to gather the children on the "right day". They are all coming at different times and on different days and I have been amazed that I am not upset by the fact that we won’t all be together on Christmas day. The gifts were bought early before my holiday, leaving just a few stocking items to pick up and that was quickly done weeks ago. It just isn't my nature to be so laid back about the holiday. Even in the planning of cooking Christmas dinner with my parents and having friends come over and share the meal with us is not causing me any stress or lack of sleep. A year or two ago it would have sent me over the top I am sure but this year somehow it all just seems so simple and I know all shall just be as it is and it will be good.

Along with the calmness of the holiday is the knowledge that I am surrounded by sadness. So many people I know, friends and acquaintances are struggling over different things in their lives. They all seem to be coping and dealing with whatever life has presented, but I seem to be so sad, grieving over all of their losses. My heart hurts for them all and once again I question why am I so blessed in my life to feel so content and happy, living in a time when my life feels perfect. I wish I could "fix" things so that everyone was feeling the Christmas joy and that we would laugh together. Life is strange and there are no answers to the whys. It is that time of year when we almost expect good things to happen but that doesn’t seem to be the case this year. There are so many losses. Losses of family, losses of friends, losses of purpose, losses of health, fears of what the future will be, it seems to be a time of grief. My tears flow daily with the sadness and the feeling of helplessness. Maybe it just comes with being part of a faith community, there is more closeness, more sharing, along with the love and compassion, there are more tears. With the tears hopefully comes healing and a sense of acceptance to whatever is to come as the new year approaches. A new year in which we can move forward in life and hopefully be able to embrace all that life has to offer us.

Tonight when I attend church as I try to contain my tears, I will think of tomorrow, the family and friends I will share the day with, the good food I will eat, the gifts we will exchange and I will be so very thankful for being blessed with such wonderful people to journey through my life with. It will be Christmas, my very favourite day of the year. Christmas, the birthday of Jesus, who came to us and taught us such valuable lessons, is also a time to grieve together, a time to laugh together and a time to be thankful for all of God’s blessings.