Remembrance Day

Remembrance Day is a day when we remember and honour all the people who have served to keep our country free and safe. Canada is a country where we have freedom of religion, freedom of speech and so many other freedoms that many of us take daily for granted. Over the years I attended the Remembrance Day services, either at school, at church or with my children in guiding, however I don't think I had a real sense of what it was all about until this past year.

My son in 2006, a year or so before graduation was thinking of joining the armed forces, he wanted to do something to help people and to make a difference in our world. Although it is a huge honourable career to serve for our country I wasn't pleased. I suggested he do something else and join the reserves instead. In no way did I want my son ending up in Afghanistan fighting in a war. I didn't want him getting killed nor enduring the violence that was happening over there.

At this same time my co-workers son, who was in the armed forces, was sent over to Afghanistan and was there for many long horrific months. Thankfully he came back physically safe, but as with many returning soilders, his life would never be the same. What they endured over there, never knowing who the enemy was, the horrid acts of violence that they witnessed and took part in, events that I and most people know nothing about, have scarred them deeply. It's the wounds that you don't see that are always the worst and are so hard to heal from. So many of our veterans and members of the armed forces are now suffering from PTSD.

The time that he served I remember well, the stress my friends endured. Their cell phone would ring at the office and it would be their son calling. I had never seen them move so fast with such a sense of urgency to get together so that they could both, for a few precious moments, hear their son's voice. Then there were the weeks that they would hear nothing, while he was out on patrol throughout the day and night, miles away from the protected base, they would go to bed not knowing if their son would live to see his next day. I was so thankful that my son never signed up and at the same time felt their pain and angst but could do nothing.

On this Remembrance Day, I think of not only of the brave courageous young people whose lives were lost, the veterans who suffer from both physical or mental injuries but also of their families who have suffered loss and lived through such stressful times. Lives that have been changed, lives will never be the same.

I have always watched war movies, first with my Dad and then with my husband and always enjoyed them. This weekend I spent time with my son and his family. Over the three days we watched the movie "Saving Private Ryan". I have seen it many times and its one of my favourites. This time, however it was very different. I had to turn my face away many times from the scenes of violence as I could not watch. I now realized that this wasn't just a movie, that people had actually gone through these battles and saw this destruction and felt this pain. I'm not sure I will be able to watch this type of movie again...something inside me has changed.

Today as I headed to the ferry, I drove by the parade and looked at all the veterans marching along. I saw them with new eyes and felt a much deeper respect for them than I had before. I listened to the radio ceremony and shared in a moment of silence. As I reflected on this day I realized that I have changed for two reasons, watching my friends suffer so much during the time their son was in Afghanistan and how it still affects them all still today and having a new grandson come into my life earlier this year. As I approached the ferry terminal I wiped the tear from my eye and said thank you. Thank you to all the men and women who have served to keep our country free so that babies like my grandson can live freely. It is my prayer and hope, that he will never know what war is and that by the time he reaches adulthood our world will be a place of peace for all people everywhere as it was meant to be and as it should and can be.



My Grandson and I

Adventures with Friends

It is a known fact in life that we all take many things for granted. I live on a beautiful island but seeing it each day I have gotten accustomed to it's beauty and taking it all for granted. It is when visitors come that I again see my home through fresh eyes.

For the past six weeks I have had adventure after adventure with close friends. It began with a day of kayaking in Maple Bay heading over to Saltspring Island for lunch on the beach. I just soaked up the peacefulness of being out on the water exploring the coast line. It was a great day and a quiet time to connect with friends as we shared in the beauty that surrounded us.



At peace on the water

Next, a trip to Tofino on the west coast and exploring the beach, wading in the waves, laughing and allowing ourselves to play like children on the beach.



Playing like children on the beach

We walked along the beach from one end to the other. Sharing our stories, playing in the waves and laughing in the fun. Although we had known each other for years spending time together along the shoreline and trails deepened our relationship.

Laughter shared amongst friends

The views from the trails were breath taking and I could have stayed for hours watching the waves break against the rocks.


A view from the trail



We took a day trip up island to hike along the coast of Hornby Island to see the amazing cliffs and explore the trails.

The amazing cliffs

Friends with Friends

We geocached along the way and stopped and had lunch enjoying the many different views. Having fun like children is a great way to journey through life. Sometimes we spend too much time being serious and we miss out on many of the joys.

Kids in the tree

Gabriola Island was also on the list of places to explore even though we had been there many times before.Sometimes its important to go back and retrace ones steps and see the changes that have happened since your last visit. One can always find things that may have been over looked before. Again much laughter and fun was shared as we felt freedom in just being together.



Relaxing on the beach



Finding hidden treasurers

We also took a trip to Botanical Beach to see the tidal pools. The pools were deep and full of living creatures, the beach a place to sit and relax and contemplate. Finally heading over to Port Renfrew campground to visit my parents and have dinner with them. Although quite willing and looking forward to it I have to admit a small part of me wanted to keep my friends to myself as our time is limited and wasn't so sure about spending the whole afternoon with family but knew it would still be fun. Spending the afternoon with my parents turned out to be a beautiful gift for me. 




Checking out the pools

 My parents are wonderful people. They love the outdoors and we spent my childhood camping and fishing. Next year they will both turn 80 and yet they still spend two months of every year fishing on the west coast. While raising my children we would go out every summer and spend a weekend with them. I would play cards with my Mom and take the children fishing on the dock or to the beach or to hike the trail while the men went fishing.

For the last ten years I have only made it out there once or twice and both times at least 5 years ago. My children have gone out with their spouses and visited and fished and came home with memories both old and new. Now it was my turn. We went out for a wonderful boat ride, down the river, across the bay and out onto the open waters. It was so wonderful to just connect with creation and laugh with friends as the boat bounced along on the calm waters. We rejoiced in all the beauty that we saw out in the open water.



Gal Pals



Awesome day on the water

I soon realized how much of my parents lives I have been missing these past ten years by not going out there and sharing in their adventures. It is something I need to do. They won’t be able to fish for too many more years as they reach the age of 80 next year. For years I have been taking way too much for granted. Our time here on this planet is so very short that I need to make the most of time and continue to explore and connect with creation either alone or with family and friends. I don’t want to have any regrets. Time is something you can never get back, and time with the people you love is so very important, to me more important than anything else. I'll make sure to get back out here next summer.




Family and Friends, most important in life

These past six weeks have just been amazing.So many adventures that I can't even mention them all, so much laughter and so much fun. Relationships have grown deeper and become more open. Having fun like children brings out the best in us and frees us to be our true selves. We said our goodbyes, filled with good memories, memories that we will cherish and relive until sometime in the future when we meet again. 

Moonlight Paddle

For many years now I have been planning on signing up to take a moonlight paddle down at the bay. Each year I never get around to it and put it off til the next year. Last night my dream finally came to be. I had always thought when the time came for me to actually do this paddle I would be with a friend or two but as it turned out they were all busy so I decided to go it alone and do it as a meditative paddle. When I had called there were only two others signed up so I planned for a quiet evening.

Kayaks, at the ready!

I arrived at Maple Bay in plenty of time so I could sit by the water but the kayaks were already out and there were many. Fifteen people would be going kayaking including two small children. My idea of a meditative paddle quickly disappeared. There was though another woman paddling on her own so I would have company. The skies were clear and the water calm, it would be a nice evening on the water. As we paddled away from the launch site I looked up to the moon and thanked God for this time and for sharing with me creation’s beauty. I breathed in deeply the sea air, allowed my body to relax in the cockpit of the kayak and felt so blessed.



Heading out on calm waters

We followed the coast line down towards the marina. People chatted and I could tell it would be a fun night. It was like playing follow the leader going under all the bridges out to the docks. The moon had already risen above the trees but it was still daylight out so the moon was very faded. We reached the place where we would cross over to the other shoreline and by now dusk had arrived. Instead of following each other we passed in one solid group so that we could be seen by other boaters. Each kayak had a flasher light on the back and a flashlight on the front so it was easy to see each other.



"Follow the leader" along the coastline

The moon was absolutely splendid. It was what they call a super moon, the time when the full moon is very close to our planet. It was huge with a full face and shone brightly down upon us as the darkness surrounded our kayaks. Going along the coastline heading north east the moon was now down behind the trees and we could look down into the dark water and see the phosphoresce. It was fun to put my hand in the water and watch the water dance with greenish lights. It was beautiful and reminded me of when I was a child and we would have sparklers outside and write our names with them in the darkened night. Eventually we reached a small little bay where we all gathered and tethered ourselves together for our snack break of chocolate brownies, lemon squares, ginger cookies and hot chocolate...what a treat!



Moonlight reflecting on ocean waters

We headed back in pure darkness, nothing to be seen but the moonlight reflecting down off the water. Looking ahead I could see the other kayaks’ flashing lights so I knew which direction to head. It took about half an hour to return to the beach and I used that time to quietly paddle on my own. There was some distance between all the kayaks so all I could hear was the sound of my paddle in and out of the water. It was so peaceful. I thought about how strange our world is. How there are people dying from terrible diseases, people terrified of being hit by missiles as their homes are attacked, people struggling as their water is contaminated from an industrial accident, so many terrible events are happening in our world and yet here I was, on my small island home, paddling across the water by moonlight. It doesn’t really seem right that our world is this way. That some are so blessed and others live in horrid conditions. It makes me thankful for all that I have and helps me to try not to waste a minute of time. To not only take time to help others but to make the most of each day and take note of the beauty in creation that I am so lucky to be surrounded by. This planet has so many fascinating and amazing places to see that there is no possible way I will be able to see it all but what I can do is spend time exploring the island that I call home and to always be thankful for all that there is. Thankful for moonlight paddles, for the silence that darkness brings, for the physical ability to be active in the outdoors and for all of the blessings creation gifts to us. A moonlit paddle on calm ocean waters, life doesn’t get much better.

Coming Down from the Hill Top

It’s been a month since my month long holiday in the UK. It was a fantastic holiday time spent exploring coastlines, hills, valleys and towns. I also made sure to attend church each week to continue my spiritual practise of worship. I continued to reflect on my spiritual life as I walked the trails, climbed the hills and swam in the cold North Sea. Being out in nature brings me closer to God than sitting in a church service and yet the church gifts to me the friendships of people following the same faith. The greatest gift this holiday brought to me was being able to experience my faith outside the church. Travelling with a minister and his wife allowed me to experience prayers and communion on hilltops. It brought my faith outside the church and into nature. For a short while I experienced the best of both worlds and am so grateful for this gift.

As I sat on the hilltops (really mountain tops) over in Scotland and looked down on the valleys below I realized how small I am in this vast world. Not only in size but in hearing the history that goes back thousands of years I gained a new perspective on how short my life here will be here. At one point I realized I am smaller than a speck of dust on a windowsill and that my life will be over in just a quick flash of time. The things that go on in my life, the things I worry about, the things I complain about really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Each moment is so precious because when you look back on your life what happened forty years ago seems like just yesterday.

Looking out towards the ocean from the hilltop - Dunadd

Returning to the “real” world after a month has been very difficult. In the prayers on the hilltops my friend reminded me how we all have to come down from the mountain top and back to our lives but when we look down from the mountain top and into the valley below we can see how really small our worries and struggles are. Hopefully we come down with the realization that life is a gift to be treasured and each day needs to be fully lived in whatever way one can. I have come down from the mountains filled with thanksgiving for all that I have but in many ways I am still struggling. I returned to the death of a few church members, good people who died too young. I returned to the news that two of my good friend’s siblings are dying from cancer both only ten years older than I am. I returned to read the news each day of unnecessary wars in far off countries. Once again I am reminded how precious life is.

Down in the valley - "Life in the "real" world

I find it so frustrating as the news continues to be filled with the deaths of war. These two groups of people, following different faiths, are ruthlessly killing men, women and children over a small piece of land. There is no reason why they cannot share the land and live together in peace just as we do in the western world. When I read the news and see how different people’s lives and struggles are in this vast world it just astounds me. In one country we have people using missiles to kill innocent people, in another we have athletes from various countries gathering to compete in many different sporting events cheering each other on, shaking hands and sharing hugs with their competitors. How can one part of th world be consentrating on what might seem as frivlous sports while other people are being so destructive and taking innocent lives. People are dying enough from horrid diseases in this world, we don’t need to add to it but sending off missiles and creating wars.

When my time on this planet ends I hope I can look back on my life and be thankful for all that I have enjoyed, all that I have done, and hopefully be able to say I made a difference in one person's life. I can’t imagine what the leaders of this world who have caused such destruction will think about their life when they look back. Will they feel remorse over the lives they have senselessly taken, will they suddenly realize that they have wasted their own gift of life? I truly believe that all people of this world can live in peace and that all people want to live in peace but it will take the leaders of this world to stop and listen and really hear each other’s stories before peace will happen. The leaders of our countries who stand by and do nothing are just as guilty as the leaders of those countries who enter into war. Life is a precious gift and each of us deserves to and should have the right to live it as best we can in a world of peace. There is enough for all if we would only share what resources we have, including the land and water that this planet has gifted to us.

What an amazing world we live in....the view from Schiehallion

I have returned home but a part of me remains on the hilltops looking down into the peaceful valleys of Scotland, rejoicing in all that I have been blessed to be a part of. It is an escape from the worries, an escape from the news, it is a place that brings me peace and thankfulness and reminds me to live each day to it’s fullest.

The Blessings of Easter

Today I went walking/hiking alone and spent time reflecting on this past Easter weekend and all the church services and events that happened. As usual the four day weekend began Thursday night with the Maundy Thursday Service. Our church was having a meal and then foot washing in the sanctuary and I felt I wanted to do something different. I wanted to attend a service where I wouldn’t have to work and where I could be spiritually nurtured and awed in the mystery of the Easter story. I attended a small Anglican church down the street where myself and 18 others gathered. The service flowed wonderfully and the priest shared a lovely message about Jesus washing the disciple’s feet and what a gift it is to wash someone else’s feet and also to have yours washed. She spoke about how the churches ministry needed to reach outside the church and into the community, how we need to serve and care for each other. I left there feeling calm and at peace. I left with a wonderful sense of peace and the feeling of being spiritually fed.


Spring Flowers

The following morning I attended the Good Friday service at my own church which was a service of music and readings. It was a very quiet contemplative service attended by 60 members. Our choir led the music and sang some very meaningful anthems. I find the contemplative services full of meaning and a time where I can be close to God. Following the service 15 of us hiked up a local mountain to the cross that stands near the top. The spring flowers were out in bloom and we stopped and admired their beauty. It was a time of constant chatter and a time to get to know each other outside the church. We were filled spiritually and physically. It was a good feeling. As we reached the cross I received a text from my son on the mainland telling me that his wife had gone into labour. My first grandchild would arrive over the next few days. I was so excited and filled with joy.

Friday was a long night and Saturday a very long day as I awaited news from my son but at 6:45pm my son’s son was born. I had no idea the emotion I would feel and was totally unprepared for the deep sense of love. Becoming a grandparent is just amazing. Seeing your child become a parent, seeing a newborn that looks so much like the baby you gave birth to 25 years earlier, the feelings that come over you are totally indescribable. New life is such a precious gift and as my youngest daughter said, “our family just became bigger and cuter”. It certainly has and we are so blessed that everyone is well and healthy. My heart has been opened, and a week later my love for my children and grandchild is still overflowing.

My Precious Easter Blessing

As I hiked along today I thought back to Easter weekend the previous year and how different it was from this year. Last year on Maundy Thursday I spent some quiet time with a friend who was dying. That night the minister and his wife came and together we shared in a small service of communion. It was an emotional night full of sadness but full of God’s love and mystery. I find it so amazing that my friend died last year on the day between Good Friday, the day Christ died on the cross and Easter Sunday, the day of Christ’s resurrection and this year my grandson was born on the Saturday of the Easter weekend. Death and new life are what Easter is all about and here in two different years yet on the same day my life was touched first with death and then birth. The cycle of life continues on and continues to amaze me. Both death and birth touch us deeply in our hearts bringing us emotions that can overwhelm us with both sorrow and joy. A former minster always said to me that in order to experience the joy of Easter you have to begin with Maundy Thursday and journey through Jesus’ death on Good Friday. Only then can you really feel the joy of Easter. I believe that to be true about life as well. If we don’t experience death of loved ones then we really can’t feel the joy that new life gives us. Life is a journey that takes us to places we know nothing about. You can listen to people’s stories, you can read about their journeys but until you actually experience it you can’t totally feel or understand it. Thank you God for this blessed Easter of 2014. I am so very thankful.

Living Life

I grew up in a family of four and we lived a good basic life. We camped and travelled around BC quite a lot and enjoyed living a simple life. We also fished a fair bit of the time out on the ocean in a small boat. My Mom would worry every time we went out in it fearful for us kids and I also became very nervous every time we went out. I spent the time daydreaming or sleeping to keep my mind off the deep dark waters. It is really how I grew up...day dreaming made up stories about my life and where it would take me. I spent hours upon hours living in a fantasy world instead of enjoying the real world around me. Later on, becoming a parent myself I spent much of my time worrying over their safety and their wellbeing constantly warning them to be careful.

In these last ten years I have grown and changed a great deal, mainly I believe because of my faith, my belief in an all loving God. I have finally been able to let go of many of my fears. Do I still worry at times, of course I do. I have three children and like any parent, I only want good for them but life happens and it isn’t always smooth sailing. With my faith, trust and a fair bit of courage I was able to leave a home and marriage of almost twenty years and start a fresh new life where I feel free to evolve and grow.

I spent this past week with my birth family and by the end of the week I was so thankful that I have my faith in God and have been able to move forward and live life. A day trip was planned to go and visit my daughter which was a two hour drive away. My Mom wouldn’t come. She couldn’t let go of her fear of us all being in a car accident and no one but my adult children being left alive. She knew if she came she would worry and fret the whole day and not enjoy it. It saddened me because there aren’t many chances for us all to go off on an adventure together. My Mom, almost 80 has lived a good life and still fishes off the west coast, hikes trails and has many friends but her fear of an accident kept her from sharing in a wonderful day with her children. She has lived almost 80 years but I wonder how many times her fears have kept her from actually enjoying and really living her life.

My sister and I in Comox

My sister has had, for as long as I can remember, a fear of heights. I would always be the one to ride up on Dad’s shoulders. She could never stand to be up that high. I never knew how bad her fear was til two years ago when I took her hiking on one of the islands and she could barely make herself walk along this one trail that had a bit of a steep drop off. It really wasn’t that bad but she had to force herself to move. She also worries a fair bit about life and strives hard to make things perfect for her son and husband. So after our trip up island we decided to go hiking, my Mom, my sister and my daughter and her dog. There were so many beautiful trails I could take them on but I knew many were off bounds because of their fear of walking on the “edge”. So we decided to hike to the cross on the dirt path and road and avoid the outer edge. When we arrived at the parking lot there was a sign warning people that a cougar had been spotted in the area. Instantly my sister said “oh we aren’t going” but I parked the car and we all got out. She really didn’t have much choice and besides my brave daughter spoke the obvious “don’t worry, the cougar will attack my dog first”. We had a great day hiking and I was so proud of my Mom to make it all the way to the cross. I couldn’t wait to take pictures of her up there standing at top.

Of course the cross is on the edge of a rock outcropping which has a huge drop off on all three sides but my Mom walked up and sat at its base. My sister however had to almost close her eyes and feel her way to get as close to my Mom as she could, to pose for the pictures. I felt for her and was once again saddened that her fear keeps her from enjoying so many things in life. I too have a fear of heights so I know what she feels but I can’t say it has kept it from me doing things that I want to do. I wouldn’t ever go skydiving as I am not sure I could manage to just jump out of a plane but then it also isn’t one of my dreams or desires.

My family at the cross

At the end of the week shared with my family I spent time reflecting on how thankful I am that I have been able to leave so many of my fears behind and to go out and explore this world not only by hiking the hills but by learning and practicing different spiritual practices. I feel all the new adventures I have been blessed with these past ten years have tested me and helped me grow becoming both physically and spiritually stronger. To me one is only really living life when they can face their fears and enjoy every moment experiencing adventures that others only dream of. Safety precautions always need to be taken seriously and rules and guidelines need to be followed but trust in life can allow us the freedom to take some risks and reach new heights. I know I have so much still to do in this life, so many more fears to face but I hope with my trust in God and a strong belief in what St. Julian of Norwich said “all shall be well, all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well” I can continue to live my dreams. Whatever comes in life I know I will be strong enough to face and handle. If I die while driving to see my daughter or if I die in the jaws of a cougar on a mountain hillside at least I will have died truly living my life. So proud of my sister and Mom (79 years old) to make it up to the cross with me!

Seasons of Love

Whenever I have thought of seasons I have thought of change. How nature changes as we journey through the four seasons of the year, winter, spring, summer and fall. Although I don’t normally like change, moving through the four seasons I’m okay with because each season has it’s own beauty and brings with it it’s own gifts.

Today while I was running at the gym listening to a new play list I came across a song the “Season of Love” from the play Rent. I had heard it many times before but today listening to the words it reminded me of a church service I attended last week. The service was a large Anglican service for the consecration of a new Bishop. It was a very beautiful and moving service which flowed easily. People from all over came together in celebration. As I looked around at the thousands of people there I imagined his congregational members were not only celebrating but also feeling some sadness as the man that has led them and cared for them, moves onto other callings. I felt for them, as the church I attended had gone through a change in ministers not all that long ago and I knew there would be sadness for themselves in amongst their joy for him. The service itself was so much more than going through the rituals and promises of the consecration. It was so very personal of the man being honoured. From the children’s time, to having his daughters share in the readings and perform liturgical dance, the Scottish music that was played throughout, it was all connected to a man who was obviously dearly loved by many. A man who had made connections with the First Nations people who were there drumming, to some of us "non-Anglicans" who had attended previous Sunday services and came to witness this moment in his life. It didn’t matter who we were, where we had come from or what our beliefs were we were all welcomed and worshipped together connected through one common thread, our care for him. It was a service full of love and I left there feeling very spiritually uplifted and moved by the openness and love that everyone there shared.

The song also made me realize that I had never thought about love being a season before but in many ways it is. Our feelings of love change and grow throughout our lives as we journey through the seasons and years. As a child growing up I always knew that my parents loved me, after all how could they not, I was their child. The words in the song remind us that love is a gift from up above. It is a gift that I have had all of my life, growing up in a caring loving family and now having young adult children of my own, I have always known I was loved. As my family has grown with sons and daughter in laws joining us and now a grandchild on the way the unconditional love we share grows and expands.

In the past two years though I have moved into a new “season of love” where I have realized I am not only loved by family but also by friends. In this season of love I have finally been able to open my heart and feel the love deep inside me. To be loved and feelloved by people who have no other reason to love you except for you being the person you are is such an amazing blessed gift. As I sat holding hands saying grace with loving friends the other night I thought to myself, “life doesn’t get any better than this”. At that moment I felt loved and at peace with life and thankful for all that I have been blessed with. Life is so very good at this moment, in this season, yet when I soon hold my new grandson in my arms for the first time I know I will feel the gift of love from up above flow through my heart for this new child and life will have once again just gotten better. A new season of love will have begun.

                                                                   A symbol of love

Life and love always change as relationships change, like the seasons of the year, new ones are formed and others end, each bringing us their gifts for a time. Without the seasons in nature and the seasons of love we could not exist. As this season of winter ends and we move into spring I will remind myself of all of the gifts I am so blessed to have in my life. To love and be loved by family and friends is my greatest gift from up above and someday I pray all people everywhere will be blessed by many seasons of love.