A Gift

I was given a gift last night....a very special gift that has touched me deeply inside my soul.

I was given the gift of being with a dear woman as she passed from this life onto the next. It has taught me so much about life. How precious life is, how extraordinary this world is and how loving God is. I had heard how beautiful death was. I couldn’t imagine how it possibly could be, until last night.

I think the beauty starts in the comfort and prayers that others give to those dying. Gone are the restrictions that would normally hold a person back. Feelings are shown and shared. Tears freely flow down your cheeks.  A shared caring for another person is put before anything else. The dying are cared for with dignity and grace. They are wrapped in love with prayers and blessings from so many, near and far. There seems to be a knowing within them.

Our bodies are wondrously made. I have often been amazed by their complexity. Last night I was shown how our bodies are truly vessels that God has given to us, for our use here in this world. They are not who we are but simply the containers that hold our spirit and our souls. When our bodies tire and wear out, with age or illness, they simply stop working. The vessel remains but deep inside, our souls are released and fly free from this place into whatever lies ahead in a beautiful indescribable way.

Today I sat on a mountain top looking over this beautiful world that we are so blessed to have. The wind softy blew across my face and I remembered. I remembered the fun I had shared with this wonderful woman, the laughs, the trials as her body and mind slowly wore out, and the care we had given each other in so many different ways. I am not sure she knew what a gift she has been to me or how honoured I feel to have shared the last minutes of her life with her, such a gift from her family to me. Her soul peacefully left the beautiful vessel that had carried her for over 93 years. And so today, as I watched the wind blow through the clouds and trees, I could feel her spirit so free from pain and suffering, blowing with the wind.

A courageous, loving and giving woman, who has given me and so many others such wonderful gifts of care and love is now with God. I shall miss her, yet it so many ways we are still together. We are not alone, we live in God’s world, here on earth and life beyond death. She flies on.

Bossy

Bossy–adjective, boss·i·er, boss·i·est.

given to ordering people about; overly authoritative; domineering.

I was 9 years old when I overheard a conversation between our neighbour and my Mom...she was telling my Mom how my friend didn’t want to play anymore with me today because I was being too bossy. My cat had given birth to kittens and we were playing with them through the fence and I suppose I had been telling him in my “bossy manner” what he could and could not do with the kittens. I remember the day clearly. I didn’t like being called “bossy”. I felt it was a bad thing (and I still believe it is) and so I tried to change my ways.

When I was 21 my supervisor said to me “Linda you were born to be a leader but for some reason you keep insisting on being a follower”. I have never forgotten her words. In most ways she was correct. I like to lead, to organize things, be in control and well frankly just do things my way. So I guess this can be labelled as being bossy. Even though I know this is how I am, I am not sure I really like it.

Yesterday my “new boss” pretty much told the world ( in a kind manner) that I have been “bossing him around”. At 48, I still don’t like the label. I don’t mean to be bossy and honestly just thought I was helping him find his way. Inside of me there is still that 9 year old, who now has her arms crossed over and says “bossy eh, well fine. I shan’t tell you what to do this week and shall just stand by and watch you flounder along on your own. We’ll all see how that goes”. (haha) But thankfully I have grown up (a bit).This morning, as I once again awakened too early, I laid there thinking of all the things I need to prepare this morning at work.  I suppose I shall get things printed off and ready for the week before his arrival in the office. I will act professionally and try to keep that 9 year old behaviour under control. I am sure we will share a laugh over this before the day is out, and so I shall continue to guide him in the right direction... but maybe just a bit more gently?

Changes

I have never been one to adjust to changes easily. I like things to remain as they are ...known and safe. I lived in the same home throughout my childhood, went to school with the same friends, and attended the same church. Since reaching adulthood I have had many many changes especially over these last 10 years. I really thought I had adjusted to changes in my life, was more open to change, but this week has shown me that I have not.

Where I work we are sharing in a great adventure. My colleagues have gone off to Scotland for five weeks on a work exchange and the Scotland folks have come here to work. They are all wonderful people and this experience will not only be enjoyable for everyone involved but also a great learning experience. We hope that after these five weeks we will stay connected to one another and continue on with friendship and our shared faiths.

And they leave.......

So Tuesday I said farewell to my dear friends and workmates and a few hours later welcomed our new friends from Scotland. There has been much laughter and stories shared. We are learning each other’s language...although we both speak English the meanings for words we use are not always the same over there. Here we “greet” people and have “greeters” at our door. In Scotland greeting means to be weeping or sobbing. So we are learning about each other and laughing as we go along.



And from Scotland they arrive....

My friends have arrived in Scotland and will be meeting their new colleagues today. From what I have heard I believe they will struggle more with the different language than we are here. I believe they will return enriched from this journey they are on.

So in amongst all of this I have been unable to sleep. I have been tearful. My nursing pal says I am just missing my friends (who will be back before I know it) and that I just don’t adjust to change well. I think she is probably right. Things are going to be different and I am prepared and yet I seem to be overwhelmed by it all.

It’s going to be interesting and I plan to be very mindful of my emotions and feelings over these next few weeks, the laughter and the tears. I am intrigued by my reactions to this wonderful adventure.

So.....I shall carry on, try to embrace the change, enjoy the fun and hopefully find sleep soon!!! LOL

Respectful Connections

As a friend prepares for a great adventure, many blogs and emails have been exchanged.  It has brought laughter to some and concern to others. We all need to be careful on what we email, post or blog and say about others. People’s lives can be greatly affected by the words of others.

 I used to be a very private person. I lived a life where I had a great number of “secrets” that I held within. I worried over what others thought of me, of speaking in front of a group, of running into old classmates. Over the past six years I have tried to be more open with people and share more about my life. I try to "just be me" and not hide behind sarcasm and humour. It means having higher self esteem and more faith in myself.

I feel in order to be true to yourself you need to trust your friends and family with your thoughts; ideas, maybe even your dreams. You also need to believe that they will still love you when they see the real you. It is not easy and sometimes can take great courage. We also have to realize that not everyone we meet will love us or even understand us and that too is okay. I have become more confident, outgoing and well, more talkative (although some will find it hard to believe that it is possible for me to talk more now than I did as a child). Thankfully, some people like to be quieter, more conservative. God made us who we are, everyone of us different, unique, everyone of us loveable.

Emailing and blogging can be an "easy" way to share with people because it is not face to face. We can find safety and a sense of courage in front of our computer screens. Yet because it is not face to face we can’t see the emotion or facial expressions of the writer or the reader, what we say can sometimes be taken the wrong way. You may be laughing while you are typing but the reader cannot see that and may not “hear” the laughter in your words. Also each person’s sense of humour differs from others. Sometimes people get hurt by the words that others have typed, friendships can be harmed. Many misunderstandings have happen over the internet. This computer era, while it connects us with people all over the world, it takes away from the real personal connection that we have with each other. I hate to think what is going to happen over the next few decades. Will people still meet at the local coffee shop to visit or will we just Skype each other from home? Will we be there to hug a friend in need or will we just type {hugs}. Will personal relationships even form and grow? Will we find that deeper connection that comes from face to face contact?

Although I have become more open myself, I have to remember that other people can live much more private lives and I need to respect that.  I haven't forgotten how important trust in one another is. We are all journeying along together, yet we are all at different places on the trail. So while emailing, writing or blogging about yourself is great, an awesome way for self expression, respecting others while doing so, is most important and that I believe is my lesson learned for this weekend. Remember, not only is God watching but the world may be reading!!

p.s  I know the laughter over this will follow ...in about 2 months time!

Patience

Firstly I have no patience....never have really but lately it seems I have needed it. I have been redoing my very small backyard since the beginning of April. It seems like forever. I had fresh soil brought in for the flower beds, topsoil for the lawn area and then with great impatience I planted the grass seed.....in April...the week before Easter. Now I knew this was too early, all my friends told me so but I wanted it done, I wanted my lawn.
I have watered and waited, waited and watered. I feel I did my bit. The sun however did not do it's part.
As the May long weekend approaches I sit here on my patio surrounded by the flowers in my freshly planted flower pots (Mother's Day weekend tradition) and I look out at what should be a wonderful green lawn. It isn't there. What I see is greenish...but it is green clumps of grass in amongst big spaces of dirt. Patience, I tell myself, the sun is now shining, the air is warm, the grass will grow, the empty spaces will fill with green. But I want to mow...I want it to have that nice cut lawn look...all even and tidy. I know if I attempt it, it will hurt the vunerable little wisps of grass that are still trying to poke their way up towards the sun. So I am waiting...til the weekend...til next week...til.....
I always was a very demanding child...when I wanted something, I wanted it right then and there and acted very inappropriately when I didn't get it fast enough. Now I have no control over the weather or my lawn...I have to be patient whether I want to or not....or do I?
SOD!!!

As America celebrates...

I find myself saddened that countries are celebrating the death of another human being. What has the world come to? No wonder wars continue on and peace on this planet seems so unreachable at times.
Where is our compassion for all people...good and evil...when will kindness win over revenge? When will we learn to love one another and this planet that is our home and stop being so distructive.
Today I am in shock and sickened by what we have become...no lesson learned and no laughter either.

10km ....a long way to run

Today I ran in my first 10k run in Victoria. The amount of people there running was amazing...over 13,000 people showed up to run and walk. Everyone happy and enjoying the companionship of friends. The sun shone brightly as we took off at 8 a.m. The first 4 km were pretty good...then I needed to stop and walk a bit, then back to running, arriving at the ocean around the 6km mark. I couldn’t help but notice the beauty around us and the wonderful ocean smells. People were out cheering everyone on, musicians playing along the way and thankfully some water stops.  6km – 8km was very hard going...I found myself stopping and walking bits here and there. The last 2 kms were harder still but there was the knowledge that we would soon finish and that kept me running.

Last summer when I decided to give this a try I had hoped to be able to run without stopping. Well I didn’t do the training I had planned on. I never pushed myself and quite often changed to walking. A friend that was also planning to run, kept at it and was way ahead of me in the training department. I had almost given up the idea of making it when another friend, hearing of my disappointment in myself, signed on to run with me. That was my saving grace. Having someone with you, encouraging you makes a huge difference.

So, as I sit writing this, I am in pain, my legs are done for the next day or two but I am happy to have finished the race. Looking back now it really went by very quickly and with some training maybe one year I will run the whole thing but I know I would have to dedicate many more hours to running and pushing myself, not giving up when I tire, but going that extra kilometre or two.

Lesson learned: Nothing really comes easy in life...you have to really want it and if you truly want to do something, you need to really work on it, plan ahead and make the time for it.